I need to be more careful with the words I choose to accept. Sometimes it is nice hearing these sweet lies.
Lies
Lies
lies
lies
Lies
lies
lies
lies
lies
Lies
Lies
lies
Lies
Lies
lies
lies
lies
Lies
lies
lies
lies
lies
lies
lies
lies
Lies
lies
lies
Lies
Lies
Lies
Lies
Lies
lies
Typing it so much, I question whether that is the right way to spell it. I chose this,
I didn't know it was like this.
Fuck it, This is what I want,
unfortunately.
Captain hindsight has no purpose here.
All I have to figure out is, which thoughts Are mine?
Throw everything at me at once,
but I sure as fuck cannot say anything.
What a good trained puppy I have become.
That's just the sad reality.
Or what it seems like. sometimes when I think too much.
I have to get my shit together,
but who am I kidding.
There is nothing here for me,
All I want, (ed)
Just some selective company.
And I smile as I type this.
It's incredible to see how much one can make me feel.
I don't think many have that capability.
She's better than me,
She's better than me.
Anchorman is a pretty funny movie.
My life is a joke, if I can be flat out honest.
I neglect my own family,
I hurt the ones that show me true love.
I really have mistreated my sister,
my brother,
I don't even know where me and him stand. We grew up together, we were on the same soccer team as kids.
Starting at the age of 5. He played striker, while I played defense. He was great, still is. But he let that go.
He is a stranger to me now.
My father sees me and I feel the shame.
I see the look of disgust.
My mother is losing her sanity day by day.
I shattered her Naive and Innocent world.
She looks at me, as if was smiling the whole time, as I watched myself slowly fade the happiness from her smile.
My younger brother,
hasn't spoken a word to me, it has probably been a year.
Crazy to think that he looked up to me.
It's remarkable when you see younger siblings follow the same footsteps that you accidentally stumbled upon, except their steps are deliberate.
And now......
I have nothing but my imagination to fill in the blank when I wonder, "How is my brother doing? That brother that I talked to everyday, Laughed with everyday. That brother that would listen when I would teach him about my experiences."
Where is he?
The only image my mother sees in me, is a portrait of a Man that only sparks one question, "How could you do this to ME?"
I don't know mother,
Apologizing isn't exactly my forte.
My baby brother, he just turned 5. April 4th was his birthday.
I don't like to think that anything is mine, except for my actions,
but when it comes to him....
When it comes to him,
All I can say,
is nothing,
There is no word in any language that can describe how much I miss him.
I would hold him so close to me,
and he would know,
He just would.
When his eyes would search for mine,
That adorable confused look he would give me when he needed me to explain something of importance to him.
When he would hurt himself, I would tell him, "If you cry over small bumps and bruises today, you're going to be in a lot of trouble when you get older"
He probably didn't understand what I said, I would like to think he did, because he would stop crying.
A 3 year old can amaze you.
My baby sister, she is three now, she is going to forget about me.
That's the future that I do not want to be a part of,
but if we choose to survive, we must adapt.
So what am I doing, up another night?
early morning for some people I guess,
4 A.M. is my midnight.
Sitting in this house,
where memories are fading away from the crayon marked walls.
Holes in the walls that remind me of the times I lost my temper and ran my fist through them.
I am sitting alone,
Alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
Alone
alone
alone
Alone
alone
Alone
alone
alone
Alone
Alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
alone
I don't feel alone,
I don't feel lonely,
I don't feel,
I am.
It's not a sad reality to me,
I have friends,
I have some really good friends,
Pretty much to summarize,
My friends are cooler than yours.
So if this seems like me complaining,
then it probably is.
Let it all spill, knowing more than half is bullshit,
Not for me,
I always remember my words,
especially when I mean them.
Why do you choose such specific words,
just to later tell me they were not true.
I am way to far in my head,
I need to lighten up.
I really do,
I need to focus on myself,
Perhaps try to be selfish more often.
I guess that is my goal for tomorrow.
Be more selfish.
How can I be selfish when I love her more than I love myself?
Deep thoughts,
do not like sleep.
Or at least won't let me.
Change the world
By changing yourself,
which changes the people around you.
Pun intended.
So now you're in a new group,
with you're new self,
and everyone believes in your changes,
Now your whole group has changed,
Circles grow,
we know that.
New people are introduced the way I will be.
Minds that think alike,
speed up the process,
everyone is working for one purpose.
Progress,
success.
Bullshit,
all of it.
No Mercy For The Wicked.
Our eyes,
Just yours and Mine.
