Fade

Something,

In the air, or so.

"Back to normal" is the same as living forever.

To aim for a goal that is unachievable. It's the drive, the chase, which makes people feel content.

Regardless of where they are headed. As long as they are going somewhere,
They feel,

Purpose.

can you feel it?

What changes once you question the root of your purpose?
is it tragic, that the only result is figuring out, there is no real purpose?

But of course there is,
I see it everywhere I look.

I look through my peripheral,
I wait, and pretend that I am not.

I pretend for myself.
but who am I kidding?

There isn't anyone in the room?
Yet I still don't act freely,

Hilarious, so unsure of yourself, always discussing,
what you are observing.

People only see gain and loss.

They hurt when they lose,
They get happy when they gain.

That is where emotions kick in.

Some people don't have the awareness of gain or loss.

They just feel, and act,
Impulsive.

Almost.

Not quite though.

Is there more credit due to our subconscious?
Are we really programmed to just act accordingly?

Are we only driven by our Basic survival instincts?

Selfless,

I feel it.

Yet I deny it.

I deny its existence.

I tell myself I don't matter. It's the big picture, its humans as a whole.

How are we so fucked up?

Celebrate poverty,
Cheers to criminal activity,
Salute the Troops who fight the war for the politician's jaw clenching Greed.

Lead the troops, for your cause.

Minds are torn,
Souls are washed away, into the gutter.
As if they never existed.

For the cost of what exactly?

Can anyone in the room tell me the real answer?

No, because the question itself splits the room in half.

Lets establish two sides, and come to an agreement. They refuse to agree,
We have to make them see!

They cannot see?

Well they have to feel what I feel.

You cannot feel?

What is wrong with you?
There is something wrong with you!

How can't you agree?

I have to make you see for the greater good,

Yes, the greater good. I feel it now, Purpose.

I understand it now, i am responsible, because I know what you know not.
Progress demands everyones blood,
And if one refuses to draw, then we all lose.

And we cannot lose.

And I know you do not agree, but I'm sorry I must.
Overcome your will, with mine.

For good things,

DONT FIGHT BACK!
ITS FOR US!

YOU'RE BEING SO FUCKING SELFISH!

IT'S NOT MY FAULT I SEE WHAT YOU CANNOT!
I HAVE TO!

I'LL KILL YOU IF I HAVE TOO! IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!
IF YOU HOLD US BACK YOU ARE THE ENEMY, YOU ARE THE MONSTER!
YOU ARE WHAT IS EVIL.






so now we wage war, because we disagree,
because I know better than you do.

Because I know so.

So foolish,
so painful,

to see the effort to save, being the cause of destruction


of family's
of friends
of Lovers

of all innocence.


loosen your grip,
not to drop your weapon.

But to hold her hand.

We are so far lost, that fighting for or against has lost meaning.

There is no right cause to fight,

Except for truth.

and truth alone.

What is the truth?

There is no absolute.


So what can I fight for?

For her.

I'll have my last word be heard.

only to her ears.


There is no victory in this fight.

only memory.

Please don't let me fade.

Clouds

Constant state of not being able to understand,
or to grasp.
It's almost as if there is nothing left to be said,
Everything has been heard, and understood.
We have made our choices,
So why do we refuse to live by them?

We say things, we mean,
Just to never acknowledge the words that we spoke?

So how honest are these words?
How much meaning do they hold?

Don't we get tired of such actions?
The worst is to feel repetitive.
So do we just stand in silence?

It's starting to feel not enough,
it never was, why should we believe it to be so?

Even anger feels foolish now.
A drunken text seems so diluted.

Have we plucked the freshest fruit,
And watched it rot in front of our eyes?
Without even taken a bite?

What good can come out of this?
Can anything happen, good or bad?

There is no restart button,
there is no fresh start.

We all know that, getting away must be the key?
But everywhere I look,
It seems so dark and empty.

Even laughter sounds like a crazy man's scream for help.

Who's name do you call when at your lowest?
Most desperate?
What face will make it all okay?

I understand, but choose not to.

I don't have an option.
There were non given to me.

I know what I want,
And I know how to take what I want.

But I refuse to be so selfish,

I would rather be Alone,
Than to be comfortable and unhappy.

Our days pass, one seemingly as useless as the other?
How do I make use of my day?

How do I seize the day?

I know, But I don't act on it.

Why?

Have I lost all sense of purpose?

I need fresh blood.

I need new meanings.

Why slave away?

Death at the cost of Life.

Continue.
please,
I'm Listening..

But as time passes, I have realized you do not listen to your own words,

All you hear, is the reaction on my face.
And you will say whatever it takes.

The situation cannot be simplified,

There will never be a goodbye,
just the memory of the last time we spoke.

Memories haunt,
until we choose to block them.

But as our guard slips,
our grip tightens.

Hearing words which send blood rushing,
Heart quickens its pace,
you beg for them to know your thoughts through what your eyes scream in desperation.

But we all remain calm,
with hope for tomorrow,

or with hope of an exit.

Whatever comes first,
we take.

And we hope it's not the exit.

Cloudy,
It has been for quite sometime.

When will the sky clear up and direct us towards the proper way?

Unfair,
is just another excuse people use,
when being out maneuvered.

There is no such thing.

Yet hope remains,

As long as we tell each other so.

one day,
I will change,
I promise.

I just hope you are there.

We Are Alive

everyday,  everyday,

they say, they say.

Slow down, you do not want to miss a moment, I promise.

We're so gifted, YOU are so gifted.
Anything, is ours, no need to make it, No need to take it. It already Is.

Take a step, a small step, yet the most important one.

to leave it all behind, just to see what the other side holds.
Damn, curiosity can be a thing of beauty all on its own.

Let nothing, hold you back.
It will only hold you back, if you, only you,
Let it.

The only realistic obstacle, is myself?

Yet, I let,
All the outside pressures, Influence my thought.

Why do I let it?
Do I really have such low control of my own well being?

Well that can change very easily.
It will change, with the start of fresh ink and a new page.

Hope, hope, Hope.

Dream, accomplish, work, admire, and be humble.

But my thoughts are so loud,
It's hard to be humble.

To be young and full of potential,
Is a gift that we all have,

Except for those who were not granted such attributes.

Awareness is a gift,

A gift that only you can give yourself.
and you can never return it,
You can never forget it.

It stays with you, now take it and run.

Stop staring at it, stop stalling,

Conquer the world!
Be determined, to help more than yourself!

They say, there is no such thing as a selfless act,
Carry out a selfless act, just to prove me wrong.

Matter fact, I will prove myself wrong.

Of course there is,
If one chooses, than impossible, is very within reach.

Feel the energy around you,
Absorb the freshness,
The night time, filled with so much darkness and beauty?

I mean have you seen the stars?

Have you looked up?

And were you then able to not look up again?
Realize we are nothing, just to justify we were meant for everything.

Humble, to be that.

So very difficult.
So if I become to loud, know that I am still humble.

I have just chosen an alternate definition.
I know the truth, there is no absolute.
There was never a forbidden fruit!
We can have them all!
As long as we are having them, not just I.

Aye captain, let this ship sail, and only the wind directing us to our destiny.

For we are young,
We cannot be old.

We do not have it all figured out,
There is much left for our minds to see,

Reach, way past your limits.
Way further than you were supposed to.

Way higher than they told you.

And smile,
You have such a beautiful smile.

You will never find love,
If you are not willing to be loved.

Take the risk of a potential heartbreak.
Its okay to feel dependent,
As long as someone says they'll catch you if you fall.

And if you trust them, and yet you still fall.
Feel the ground, the bottom, Your roots.

And get up, not just physically,
Get up seriously.

With electrifying energy,
With hunger,
With desire,
Because it's still there.
It will always be.
Do not suppress,
Do not regret.

Tell the future about how you were the wildest of them all!
Encourage thought,
Encourage Love,

We have much left to live,
Let no one tell you anything less,

Only listen if they offer you everything More.

I'm tired of waiting,
I'm tired of debating.

Today is the day.

Tonight is the Night.

For we all,
Yes,


We Are Alive.

Just one sec, lemme finish my thought then its your turn, I don't promise.

Come and take me sleep,
and away into my dreams.
It really is my fault. No point of saying that I should have known better.
a  part of me will always believe, but even that part, seems to be on life support.
One person just doesn't get it, while the other person keeps the truth to themselves. There really is no point in trying to figure it out.

The truth is kept away selfishly.

Moving on or whatever the fuck, that's not what happens, you simply miss each other, the timing never feels right.

When there is doubt,

can't even finish the thought, stuck in a cage with limited words.

Fucking ridiculous.

One too many times, is not enough,

you have to chain him, before you turn him into a monster,

or else he will cause more damage than you inflicted.

But that's the point right?

The other person needs to end it so you don't have to?

There are no ends here, only direction.

I've taken mine plenty of times, with my mind changing plenty of times.
I hope I get it right, I really do.

Nonsense Nonsense.
was it not?
dance in a room where the shadows cover the acts, and the minds drift across the empty souls which we inhibit.

One day, I say, One day you'll look back and wonder,
But that day never comes, it never has,

Its only the thought that comforts.
Why can't I believe my lies? As well as the man standing next.
Looking,
watching,
seeing,

Just a body, with no mind,
seeing the possibilities, regardless of what's to come.

Yet we still dance, we always do.
Who says no to a tune that feels so true.

Such an evil trick we all have mastered,
it makes it all feel so magical.

Moments are created by the spell,
such a misleading spell.

But who comes out on top?
And does it even matter?
Mankind has fallen while the few have watched it all,
No reason to believe the few remain sane.
They see it for what it is,
They hear it for what it is.

Watching your steps as i move closer,
yet every step i take closer, you step away.

And you tell me you're not paying attention.
Oh goodness, the curse that I love, is the curse that I chose,
blindly, In a room filled with gifts,

At first, it seemed.
So malicious,
How can't you call this art?
It moves me, regardless of where,

IT DOES,

how can you not feel it?
embrace it?

Make it seem so, regular?

so fucking regular?

Like meaning is the last thing it holds,
The most precious thing, and here comes a person, picks it up and finishes it.

Devours it,.

Then throws the corps, away from sight.

Away from memory,
away from existence.

No meaning,

Yet I walk, hold the remains,
Breath,

how it could have been avoided,

Yet free will is magnificent.

Where you can place blame on everything, and still believe it's you who caused it.

Yet the earth promises me light, it promises me warmth, it asks one thing.

Just make it through the night.

Try to tell me I need help,
fuck you, I never acted like I didn't know that.

I see purpose, just not in the near future.
I want it, i need it. more than ever.





To start fresh, what a lie so many believe, what ruined it?

I wonder what ruined it.

I wonder,

you tell me words, that mean nothing to me.

You give me thoughts, which interrupt my sleep,

You gave me a feeling,

Feelings,

Feel

how to explain? without using touch smell taste hearing seeing.

Its not what I see,
I have heard all the bullshit before,
I have tasted your poison willingly,
I have felt your sides while my eyes were shut moving slowly
while your scent filled my thoughts with,

with,

Feelings,

Feel.

What do we feel?

What do we want?

Why don't we want.

Fuck it, I don't give up, I'm just done trying to make excuses.

It's my fault really.

I'm the idiot. I saw it from a mile away, yet I still ran the mile to quote on quote double check if I thought I was right,
in reality I just gave myself a bullshit ass excuse to move closer.

I knew, so fuck me for being the idiot.


You have got to be kidding me.


Absolutely hilarious,

I know I know, Stop being a bitch,
I gotta work on that.

I found the surface before,
And I have also drowned before,

Can't give you too much credit.

But when there is credit due,
well I guess cheers to you.

One sleeps well while the other is fucked,

Well I'm fucked since day one.

Now I'm realizing there is not much light at the end of the tunnel.

Fuck it, ill still walk till I reach the end,

Anyone is more than welcome to join.

I never gave a fuck where the end is, I'll tell you what though, It'll be one hell of a life.

These scars are just the stage we are setting, wait till we shake the earth and let people know the presence, of life.

But for now,

I'll try to not be a bitch.








Godamit.

What breaks him?

Was it loss?
Who did he lose?
was it a best friend? Was it a lover? A parent?
Did it happen when he was young? And why is it that it made him do the things he did?

Why could he not deal with it? What makes his situation worse than the others?

What makes you believe in a slight way that his actions are justified by  his past opposed to saying he is hiding behind his past using it as an excuse.

What makes you believe in him?

Could a bad heart Break make a man lose his faith in everything?
What is his motive for such acts which make sense in a rational sense, but morally it is completely wrong.

What makes a human commit acts where even the loved ones can't look into the eyes of their lovers.

Perhaps its that right there.

The act of protecting to such an aggressive extent where the one protected cannot even recognize the person, and only sees a monster that was created by the environment.

Is that a good enough reason?

Well what is it?
What situation can be constructed where if you do not protect you lose what you cherish and love the most,
but if you do protect, what you love and cherish the most abandons you, because of what you had to do just to protect what you love.

That sounds like something I can work with.


But what is the act.

It has to be something that is not personal.

Well not JUST personal. something that has a meaning that many can relate and many would do the same.

Murder? Perhaps? Where one believes murder is the only way, to protect, but the other just doesn't accept murder to be something that is a viable option.

At what point do you fight for survival?
At the cost of a clear conscious?
Or would you give that up, and become numb at night when you sleep?

What line do you draw for yourself, and what line do you draw for the person that you love the most.

You would go further into darkness to save the one you love, than you would for yourself?



What breaks him?


I need to knooooow!

Whatever, You know what the problem is.

When the pain becomes numb, I guess thats when you'll miss the pain.
Yet I still don't understand, why go through all that, just to give yourself an excuse to hop out and not go through with it.

I'm not there yet either, but I'm aware which direction we are walking towards. And the thing is, we are walking that direction together, our destinations are the same.

Does that mean you don't want me to mention it, just when we get there, we get there?

Retarded, all of it, Trying to figure out if its worth it. I wonder if it is. I need to be more productive.

Lets see how Long I can cut out smoking weed.

I want to feel high again,
I miss the feeling of being goofy and silly, seems like I just get too wrapped up in my own thought.

I think of reasons why people choose to do evil acts, and I can't come across any reasons other than the fact that they have lost hope in humanity.

Lost hope,
fully.

I guess that's not true,
I'm realizing now while I am writing.

There is a concept that people who have a wider sense of vocabulary are generally smarter than people who don't.

I guess that's true, however slang should not be looked at as uneducated.

saying that completely overlooks all the intelligent aspects of slang.

It's a sophisticated way of speaking, where combined words have an alternate meaning, its coding it.

People can never understand slang who think too literal.

To me its a good measurement of someone's common sense.

But shit, I'm running out of God Damn patience,

I'll wait forever, it's okay I dont Give a shit.

But If I fall on my face one more time.

I don't think I can take it.

FUck,

Please don't let that day come.

The only eyes, are yours and mine.

One day I'll be free,
at least I hope.

It's the same cycle. Just when you figured out that you have nothing figured out, you realize, nothing really.

Sometimes I want things to be correct, or at least the way I have it visioned in my thoughts. If it feels so right to me, how can't it not feel that right to you? It just comes down to just giving it a try without the feel of being forced into something.

But someone is always on the other end. Where there is gain, there has to be loss. what defines gain?

Simplicity can be so foolish, to the person who can't see things a certain way anymore.

I ruined it for myself, my favorite of all things, places, ideas, thoughts, dreams, whatever the fuck.

get what you can, and get it while it's there. I can't do it anymore,

It's unfortunate that I haven't even started. It makes no sense to apologize, when the apology is filled with judgment and pity. "I don't want your PiTy" is the biggest lie. At least when you tell me that. This isn't about you though, I guess the one that knows, just knows.

Reads, and smiles, or thinks, or questions. "Is it about me or not?"
How special one feels when coming across a random act, only to realize, it's all for you. It was always meant for you.

Kindly, so gently, you laugh and turn away and take off, only to be seen with an image which i have not yet become familiar too. Rejection is the worst relative, but yet we have to acknowledge it's existence. Sometimes I'd rather not. Let me be,

Let me be.
I know I'm falling, But this time I am going to believe my lie.
Oh you sweet terrible lie, the more you believe, the more i give, the less i worry, the more you question, the more i feel, the need to create this idea, this sick and twisted thought.

Don't believe it, please don't.
But you did, and I will hate myself, only for the moment.
Even this bad feeling is just tomorrows memory.

How long can it possibly haunt me for?
Stop being a bitch and get over it.
You should have known better, I did and I still went in diving head first.
You don't see me limping.
I don't need a crutch.
Fuck, how do we sleep at night.

With the company of my thoughts, I barely can rest.
With the company of my habits, I barely think.
Habits, how do we break them?
Just one day get up and say,
today is the day I guess.

Let's just do it tomorrow.
tonight, tonight, tonight

understand me please, but you can't.
No one can.
Except for you.
And you hold it over my head, and smile.
And so do I. Except we both smile for the same reason.

The moments where only you and I share a truth, that has been exposed to no other eyes,
other than yours and mine.

Every thought is meditated,
every action is calculated.

Even after death, I beg you to haunt me.
But we can't all have what we beg for.
So ask nicely, and hold your hand out, and be grateful to the rain,
its not everyday, the sky quenches your thirst.

Yet we look towards the sky when it hurts the most?
Not me, I'm done doing that shit, no one even responds.

I'm doing this, for me, and for me only.
THe curse of humanity, to be so fucking selfish.

It's either you or me?
I'll jump first so I don't have to see you die.
I care less what you want.
Or do I? And if I did? Why?

Ehhhhhh, not things that I want to share, never do,
I never do.

backspace, button I ignore but i have forgotten under certain occasion.

Juices stop flowing, No seriously, Just stop.

I can't help but to notice, that you have not noticed me at all.
How frightening is that.