Don't you know what you did to me?

Hello there,

Yes,

I admit I am guilty.

Of all crimes that you place upon me,

all due to the spite,
that one cannot get rid off,

At the worst times,
it holds us down,
Ties us down and forces us to watch ourselves be so

Spiteful.


Awful.


My life,

is just barely starting to realize that it is recovering from a lot bullshit.

I guess that is what I should call it.

I want to brighten everyones life that i intrude.

Check yo Grammar bitch.

Fuck you.


I'm picking up my pace,
I am gonna spend maybe a couple more months on  planting seeds,
then its go time.


And I hope whoever is on board knows what should be expected.

The thing is,
No one really knows dick.

If you believe that someone knows what they are talking about,
It is only because they have more sense than you,
or just made you believe so through a demonstration of,
strong confidence.

Foolish you both are.

Laughing is the one who understands.

Smiling is the one who now sees the trap I threw at them.

Clueless is the person who cannot follow what I am saying

Majority is what I believe falls under category three.


I really do not give a shit,


The fact that you made me care so much,
makes me wonder,
when it was that I was poisoned,

But that is just a bad argument,

Because in reality,
you deserve all credit.


You are the real deal.

Whoever gets it right,

My hat off to them,

so that forces me to go fuck myself.




I surrender to no one really.

What is the point?
Who is the true fool?

Why argue,
when the answer or truth won't be respected.

Thoughts get heavier,

the best way is to unload with spontaneous rants,
towards anyone who even dares stare at the hair trigger that you better have.

I know I have one.

Yet no one knows where I hide it.

really for their own good.


yes I am acting smug,

if you feel that I am.

How can I tell you that what you feel is less real than the message that I intended to send instead?

Ultimately it comes down to what we, individually,
choose to believe.

Well there you go,
trying to reason with specific detail.

Don't you know,
that is the language that a manipulative mind speaks.

Detailed.


Only in details,

So that the end result.

is whatever I prayed for it to be.

So selfishly.


Yet I throw so much argument,
with passion,
and reason,
at you.

Hoping to access,
your inner most self.
Just to mislead your vision,
to the picture,
that is only an illusion,
created by the darkness,
that you helped,
grow?


I wonder if that makes sense.

Whoaaa
You're like so deep man.


It's been 2 months.

Over by a couple days now.
It seems faster,
day by day.


Each day,
feels more real,
than most days.

I mean this in a way where I want you to be happy for me

you sick fuck.

For once give me the attention that I really beg and cry for like a four year old little fucking child.



Gain leverage on me,
just based on the honesty I gave you?


Give acknowledgement to that which deserves it.

Because if one happens to be a cry baby,

May god help you.

And if he does help you,

tell me how that is like,

because I have yet to know myself.


WHOA!

How fucking dare you sir?
Disrespectful,
to the least.
I wonder.

About so much,
but I'd rather continue with what I have.

Which is what exactly?

Few souls who know.

I wouldn't trade my love for my friends for anything.


I swear,
if I ever get rich,
When,
If I can be irrationally confident.

When i get rich,

it's us,


I fantasize about the days where I successfully have it where the stress of tomorrow is gone,
and all we think of is,
the stress of the real life,
that we now,
live in.

If that makes little sense,
fuck you for not knowing why.

It would make sense if you knew me.

Do you know me?

Do you?


How can you be confident?

I barely know myself,
I was taught not too.

Whatever bro.


In 5 years,
It'll be where I want to be.


Oh you watch me bitch.

Surprise.

Well I finished working on my first song.


took me about one month and a half to work on this.



Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h92wkVSvC6c

Nightmares

Listen,
i know this repetition,
seems so persistent,

Such a strong resistance,
Only because not given permission.
Never question why we choose to listen.
Can't see past what we were given.
Told what we had was a privilege.

The days of renovation is over,
along with its brilliance.

The hero is loved because of his resilience,
But this is real life,
he can't live twice,
No one feels the echo of his existence

Expect to be admitted
Prayers on the wish-list

Courage to the gifted,
Cheers to the fearless.

Comradore is worth my life.

Access we are denied,
by who?

You tell me I can't,
Why should I listen to you?

The words you speak,
you say,
to me,
Are true?

You watch my steps,
and look out for every move?

That is Best for
Me?
to do?

Lay down
for them,

I will.
Jump in front of a bullet
so you get to live.

I ask for nothing,
I except nothing,

Why does he keep fussing?
Act like,
somethings up,
when there is a whole lot
of Nothing.









I am passing out.




I'll edit this tomorrow.


Just straight publish button.


Lets see the twist element of freeballin,







Stallin?

attempt to re-Awaken,


My mind feels forsaken,
by my own fucking body.


Crazy,

Do you got me?

Lately,

I'm constantly,

Craving,

Apologies,

From Satin,

For bothering me,

But escaping,

He's offering me,

Past the point,

I had ought to be.

The wrong person said,

to Follow me,

In my head

Sometimes I believe its all a Dream,

And I wonder,

then why doesn't god just let me Be

Solve all my problems,

awakening from a dream,

It seems to relieve,

Every part of me.

My nightmares,

really enjoy calling for me.
















Sekis I needagain Nadagain Nadagain

Collective whispers

Edit undrafted,




so magnanimous,

my favorite new word.

Man I have been reading a lot,
but by that mean,

Significantly more than I used too.

But to some obsessive readers out there,

I might be an Amateur.

Really though, if we are being honest.
which is really fucking hard to be,
regardless of the context one might find themselves in.


I just hope it will all collectively come together,

Almost as if the minimal effort,
was enough,
for our hopes to be kept,
within arms length of reach.


Stay close to me is all I am saying.
I think?

But what do I know,
only other than that which I admit to myself,
and that of which I deny to myself.

How unfortunate the one who is missing out because of the lie I have chosen to accept.

I wonder who is at true loss.


But then again,

All this predicting is becoming quite arrogant,


perhaps arrogant is the wrong word,
but in my sentence I half heartedly believe it stands correct.


Why place a prediction that has your name stamped to it?

Just to let people know,
that you knew.

Cool I guess.

I want to stop predicting,
and just enjoy,
things just being.



If that makes any sense,
to me it makes prefect,

however to some that probably will never read this,
i still feel the need to stay consciously aware of.

As if a part of me imagines this part being read years after my death,
by someone who is my relative,
and shows curiosity towards my true identity.
I mean,
this shit seems pretty permanent.

And after I die,
at least a part of me can leave something exposed,
regardless of who sees it,
for a long time.


At this rate that I am going,
rate being the amount of times I choose to write,
in relation,
to how much growth I experience between The times that I write.

Right now I am starting to look back already at some of my recent pieces that I have written,
and I am starting to feel that I am growing
or have grown
past some mind sets.


It is actually quite the mind venting machine,
or maybe I just say that
due to wishful thinking.

Whatever,

I speak as I question
whether it is I believe,
the words that I just chose
to speak.


So right now,
1 2 3
ask yourself what it is you want.


Scream the first word,
don't pass three seconds,

SAY SOMETHING!


Who's name did you say?
What word did you say?

What is it about?
Who is it about?

What is the relationship between you and the word,
whether it is a person or a dream goal,

What is your relation like?

Are you working well together?

Are you facing hardship?

Have you given up?

Never give up.
Always find a way,
always,
even if it is the most impossible path.

Choose that,
above turning your back to something,
or someone

That you desire for,

The Most.



What will stop you?

Look in the mirror,

And speak the words,

Say the names,

Of what is stopping you.


All up in the zone,
I just want everyone to succeed.
I want everyone that I love to be happy.

I literally care for nothing,
except for those that I love and care for.

Growing up,
the ones close to me would always ask me,
how I could be so distant to the ones that seemed close to me.
Towards people that loved me,
or said that they did.

Why I never called any relative,
even during times of death and tragedy.


WHY CAN'T you at least give one call.


And say!


...... what?

I don't know what to say.


Tell them that your pain will ultimately be soothed by religion,
that ultimately you believe that you will see them again,
in the hereafter.
That god will have mercy on his soul,
and he will be showered with all of the elegances that the exalted has awaiting for him.




How could I say all these comforting words that I do not believe in?


I can choose to neither say a lie or the harsh truth.

It is the only way I can explain myself,
but I am so sorry for coming off as an insensitive asshole.


He meant harm to no one,
and made no one feel the threat of any sense of negativity.

He lived a very comfortable lifestyle.








I'm very bad at this.

I really,
wish that,
what I want to say
will be taken
in the context,
of understanding how it is I think
under certain circumstance,
because right now all I want to do,
is shout and shout,
with intentions
to only
seek attention,
from everyone,
except hers,
because when she does not react,
I have come to assumption,
That is when she is taken back the most,

Yet,
That is just a temporary thought,

that I am currently having,
shaking my head i am laughing at this,


How I desire so much of the dramatic scenery that we have obsessively painted to be the behavior that us two need to stay away from,
yet only to learn,
on my behalf,
that is,

The romance,
unbelievable when I would fool myself,
into believing that,
it was truth,
that I felt,
when you felt,
my hand,
with yours,

But then again, it was only into the trap that I chose to fall into,
because you see,
you were the only one that let me fall.

All the way,
You consciously did not stop me,
every mili second,
you were fully aware of my descent,

arms spread,
Accepting myself for what it is that I felt,

Yet,
I just prayed,
that before i fell and sank to the bottom,
pretending to be asleep,


I could just hear you,
just once,

Scream my name,

out of the dreadful gut feeling of loss.

Loss of value.

Selfish, i fell as I admit this.



I do not choose a path that a few have walked,
I am choosing to create my very own path.

At least I desire that thought.
Who is foolish enough to deny that human urge?
We all want to be praised,
whether we agree with it or not,
we all want to be glorified,
and we all want people to acknowledge that MY existence is special.





It is,
trust me it is.

The only problem is






Everyone is afraid to live.

You share your true words and thoughts,
people freeze,
no one trusts words to be from the heart anymore,

everyone speaks only to obtain or to mislead.

Minds cannot speak anymore,
Whatever is left,
is an excuse,
to hide ourselves,



Poor poor future,
We are living in a generation,
where living conditions have become luxurious and personal issues have become suicidal.


Both growing their own ways,
exponentially.

Who knows if literally,
I just mean dramatically.









Good lord,
If time speeds up,

I will spark a joint in case I need it to slow down.



If life is to slow,
I will jump on the 95 south direct to the port of Miami.


Whatever we say,
we say to impress,
either ourselves,
or someone,


We are impressed with ourselves,
and only shy with our work,
when self conscious
or insecure,
about our own
ACTUAL
capabilities,
because it is impossible,
to understand,
someone's
TRUE
potential.






Ehhhh

Maybe,

Fuck you,

I don't know.














I'm going to bed,

I'll have about 2 more sips of straight sentimental juice.
I work tomorrow,

hip hip
hooray,


finish this fuckn blog.


Ahhhhh,


What else shall I babble about,
at this late of hour?





Fuck you
Fuck You
Fuck YOU



Goodness.



I'm still adjusting to these changes.



I am still dealing with a lot of shit.




I heart all ma niggas.

Prison Break

So many bells ringing at once
I swear I was living in the Vatican.

I know you understand the crazy shit
I be imaginin',

Horsey say giddie Up,
while the slow pikes try to saddle in,

Magic defeats a man,
Case dismissed.

You go ahead and tell the story,
No I insist.

Why did I break it?
Is because I twist and twist!!?

Break past the point of
it having nothing left to give?

But I'd let her again,

Whoever she was or will be.


You capture me,
I'm all yours.



What a sweet thought I used to believe in.

Escaping isn't easy,

It still isn't.


I have escaped,
three times




MY        ,
My            ,
and              ,





They all happened so fast,
Just one after another,

One by one,

Seconds dragged into years


Just forcing me to watch everything unfold,



Unfold so slow,

I did not miss anything,


I felt every insult,
don't you worry about that.



I do believe that it was me that has been wronged,

at times,

But most of the time now,

I'm finally breathing,

Crazy to say,

I'm breathing free air.


Away from that,
Which demanded all of me.



I cannot say that I have abandoned all three,

All I can say,

I needed to get away.




And the only way,





was to escape.

Wussup girl, wanna come over and watch a movie?

Slowly and steadily,
breathing so Heavily,
incredibly,
is what your feeling,
you're telling me?
Ecstatically,
The rhythm
Is
so acrobatically,
Positions change so dramatically,
whispering speeds up drastically,
talk dirty climatically,
Ill hold you tight while you straddle me,
You speak as if you can handle me,
As if your body knows how to dance with me,
I fuckin love it when you stop asking me,
Its not done right
if both hands are free,
If you ever wonder,



Yes,
I woulda fucked you so passionately

Waiting to give my urine sample.

One month down. 

This drug test better work. 

I have to piss like crazy. 

If/when I pass. I will be ecstatic. 

I wanna blowie. That be nice. 

How people carry themselves is quite unique. 

How we hold people to such a high standard then not believe in free will. 

It seems so contradictory. 

Well you are the way you are,

There is no free will in that. 

Rather 

Free will has to be reached out for. 

We have to break out of the natural state we were given. 

Are we content with what we are at our natural state? 

Or do we defy what we are,

And reach further 

Than we were supposed too. 

Do we listen to the voices that tell us,

our risks that we take,

are not smart and calculated steps? 

Yet what is life if each step is only taken based on how low the risk is. 

Since when have we abandoned taking risks, and have settle for safety? 

I guess the more one believes that there is nothing after ,

They are more likely to become boring.

Is boring the right word? 

Death, 

Ultimately can be the biggest motivator, 

Or the biggest set back. 

In my case,

Every time I think about death,

I get motivated. 

To do what exactly?

To live,

Opposed to just waiting to die. 

If this is all that we have, 

Collectively and individually,

What holds us back?

The fear of failing?

It seems so ironic. 

We are too afraid to live because we are too afraid to die. 

Afraid

Afraid

So we stall,

Tell ourself

Safe is better 

Safe

Quiet

Don't be obnoxious. 

Is that what it's called? 

We are so sure

Purely based on the calculations we have discovered

Only to predict

What exactly?

The probability of different outcomes? 

Assuming the most probable answer is the expected outcome? 

Not sure if that is how real life carries itself. 

Looking at humanity objectively,

Is one thing. 

Living your life objectively,

Is very unhealthy. 

Suppressing our feelings,

And not considering them, 

As we make life decisions,

I would only assume

Will ultimately have a very strong effect on us. 

We are not asked to ignore our emotions,

Rather guide them. 

With intellect. 

We are only asked to make decisions,

Where we have to ignore emotion,

During times of survival,

In a state of an emergency. 

But what state of emergency are we living in? 

For those who live in the same state as I do. 

It seems that the ones who push rational thinking,

Are ones who like to push their own agenda. 

Especially when,

One tries to manipulate. 

It's very disgusting. 

Using intimidation,

Stubbornness,

Frustration,

Then coating it,

With a blanket 

That we like to call

Rational. 

We are not free,

If we do not believe our actions to be. 

Ultimately,

The truth is what we accept for ourself. 

And what we individually believe, 

Are the limits we set for ourselves. 

Do you believe to be free?

Do you believe to be a slave to no one?

Do you believe you can change the world?

Shake it's very existence? 

I do.