Sitting,
quiet,
or quietly, it really doesn't make a difference, I guess it's more both. There aren't any expectations, just sitting doing whatever it is that is keeping me occupied. More so I'm being done by what I want. Occupied in my own space, then suddenly,
Who is this intruder?
What do they want,
what did I forget?
What did I do?
Who the FUCK is it?
Why don't I know who is coming?
Why wouldn't they tell me?
Are they trying to Catch me in the act?
What Act?
What am I doing?
What are they trying to find which their minds disable them to ask?
I quickly rush up the stairs,
Slowly and gently lift the blinds,
Man it's bright out,
Why is she here?
She cannot see me like this,
She just wont understand.
Can I ignore her?
No I can't do that, No fucking way.
Fuck, what do I do?
Just sit till it goes away,
Its painful I know, but sit, ignore,
Be a coward,
Good job,
you're doing a great job at being a coward.
Just sit there, and don't face your problems.
It's not even a big problem, regardless,
Just keep doing that.
Sitting, standing, walking, listening to music, maybe cleaning,
I turn down the volume in case someone is coming, or already arrived.
Man it's been a long day, I'm in need for some good company, I need the Laugh, It's my fix.
Cleaning dishes, or picking shit up from my round table, Just about trying to do anything to make it seem like I am doing something. Why?
Shit I wish i knew why. I might be the only person that does shit, to make it seem like I am doing shit, aware of the fact that I am behaving in such fashion.
Are you more guilty of the sins that you commit, the more aware you are of the sin you are committing? Am I the only one that acts like I don't know what I am doing just to get away with doing it? Because if word gets out that you are "aware" of the sins that you commit, for some reason, their magnitude is increased. THe punishment comes without the hope of mercy.
THen company finally arrives, perfect timing, in the midst of me doing laundry. Perfect. Now I Hear the porch gate closing, and the door bell ringing, followed by obnoxious knocks on the door.
Now I could have just opened the door, before he even rang the door bell. But it doesn't work like that. Let him wait, not to be a douche, but to make it seem I am doing something.
God forbid people to know that I spend my time not doing shit, and wasting, or not using, my time.
Not using sounds better, waste is such an ugly word.
Open the door, talk shit, whats up,
come in, same routine,
bullshit, laugh, stay quite, go to the kitchen,
find something,
think of something,
Go outside, maybe, Play in the porch,
come back in, indulge in festivities,
We strayed away from orange mint for a while, but who are we kidding, that is the default formation.
I just wish we had better coals.
Fuck!? What was that? Oh shit, it's 8:30 A.M.
Lift the Blinds, Damn it, not again!
They didn't even leave me a note this time warning me!
That's Bullshit! Fuck, even if they did, what was I to do at that point?
Damn it, It's too fucking hot for this shit. Hearing the gate close behind him makes me want to jump out my window and kick him in the back of his neck.
Like that would do something. Oh well, I guess I'll set up the candles again. Not my first time at this fucking rodeo. I just wish it would be my last.
Lets see, the lighting looks pretty cool actually, But I just wish I could Charge my laptop, and have my X Box and Tv working. I really can care less about the lights.
FUck the Stove is an Electric stove. Cant light up the coals. I guess I'll just use the self light ones, man do they suck. Thank god for weed and staying optimistic, well I guess just be thankful for the first one, which vibes out optimism. This candle lit circle is kinda cool.
let's crack jokes about being broke as fuck, Being thrown to the bottom and still laughing it up.
That is what really matters right? Enjoying what you have regardless of what it is you have.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing, is it crazy to say, I have found certain joys about not having anything.
How does that work?
Music bumpin, jumpin out the shower, I already know he is gonna take about an hour.
So I time it accordingly. Singing Rapping dancing, waiting and changing,
Just enjoying my own company. Take my time in front of the mirror, well more time than the average.
So the usual, 3 minutes max, today 5 minutes minimum. Slap the deodorant, put on a fun shirt, for fun times, do the hair,
Then The gate squeaks and its game time,
Alright alright, Gimme one sec, lemme just have a final check,
Okay, lookin fresh,
Wallet, Keys, phone,
Time passes, Gate squeaks thats me going home, maybe few homies came through, if so good for you, Ill make you a good bowl, no worries, Its my home, make you feel like you at yours,
Want a glass of water? of course.
Sit talk, most of it is bullshit anyway, but we need eachother right now, as the night fades away.
They all go their separate paths, some stay.
But I finally put my head down, Once the LAst squeak from my porch gate has passed.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
27%
Both sides call each other dumb. They actually understand, and the problem is that the other side doesn't. If they did there would not be this problem.
26%
If you disagree but are not taking a side, than a person can make you feel retarded for believing in what you do. Then comes the point where you say "Shit, he's right what was I thinking? now it makes sense."
25%
Lets Jog to the other side and tell people about my new discovery, "What? Is that what you think is the actual truth? PLease obviously you don't understand" So then the explanation starts, and they both can sound as right as the other, even though they completely contradict each other. Now how does that work? Add that to the list of mYsteries that no one gives a shit about. And yes that is separate from the List of Mysteries that no one does nothing about.
23%
Seems like times most valuable when its spend living fast. I wonder when money is most valuable? When it's spent fast as well? Or when its being saved up? Its kind of weird how people look forward to when they retire to do the things "they always wanted to do" Whats the point of doing things when you need a hip replacement?
22%
Plan for the future but remember today is the day you are living, You cannot plan an event without picking a day. I wonder what the ratio is between hours worked and hours enjoyed to the average person. One that works too much will call the person that enjoys life too much irresponsible. And the one that plays too much will tell the person that works to much that he takes life too serious.
20%
But how serious does life need to be taken? obviously its the real thing, if you do not plan ahead you become stuck with a cycle that is not as rewarding as one that has higher ambition. But reality is, not everyone has high ambition, and that has always been looked at in such a condescending way. I guess people are ok with being servers until they are 60. Who am I to call that person a failure? For all I know if those 40 years were the years where that person made all his friends, met his loved one and spent those years laughing, then More power to him.
18%
It might just all come down whether you reached the goals you set for yourself, and not expectations that were laid out for you. People are contempt with less, does that mean that one lives a life with less fulfillment? Who knows? I keep saying I want to be a screenwriter, I would love to write and Produce my own show that gets signed by HBO. Saying it sounds so unreal, but these jobs due exist. why does it seem so impossible? Why does my mind set up bars around my ambitions and keep it locked in?
16%
I keep waiting on the day where I finally act off of impulse, like everything is going to happen for me by itself. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people feel that way. The crazy part is, throughout my life there have been small moments which made me believe that things play out in your favor by itself. And because of those moments, im stuck waiting for that to happen again. When a highly improbable moment goes your way, you cannot help to think that was because of you.
14%
Let me explain that thought, When I was a kid, maybe like 7 or 8. My parents hated when we played soccer inside the house, one day when my mom was cooking and my dad was at work, me and my brother (MY brother and I (Fuck You)) played soccer in the house. We would set up a goal next to the living room door, which was a door with a wooden frame but the whole middle part was glass. So we played and whatever then my brother left or something
12%
Then it happened. WIth the ball in front of me, i stared at the light switch which was located about 3 feet off the floor and about 10 feet away from me. and half a foot away from the Living room door. I look down, aim, and kick the ball, and it hits the light switch perfectly and the switch turns off. It was a miracle.
11%
That moment gave me so much confidence, I did not even question the fact if it was random chance, or finely tuned skills that made that event happen. Obviously it was my amazing skills. People had to know about my supernatural powers. I Must share with the WORLD! My brother comes back and I tell him, "Look what I can do!" Because it was not chance that made this happen, it was me.
10%
So I placed the ball exactly where it was before, and now my brother is sitting there with the suspense killing him, wondering what my superpower was. I take a step or two away from the ball, look at the ball, look at my brother, drop a cheesy one liner which I'm hoping was, "Remember today Brother, for today we are free"
8%
Then I kick the Ball aiming exactly where the light switch is. Then the most amazing thing happened. Time slowed down, I saw each frame that my brain received through my eyeballs, it was like a slow motion high definition camera. I watched the ball move oh so gallantly through the air, it was beautiful, magnificent, marvelous, Flawless.
6%
Then the devil himself, taking the form of physics, came and changed the direction, as if he just nudged the soccer ball while it was in midst of its flight. Now I am watching this new path the ball chose to take, and saw where it was heading. It was heading towards a mere path of destruction.
5%
As the ball approached the living room door, it finally made contact dead center in the middle, and I watched the glass, in such a fragile fashion, form these cracks which were born at the point of contact, grow into this wild flower which outgrew itself to a point in which it caused its own destruction, and then it all shattered into million pieces.
3%
And there it was, my superpower was a hoax. Now Im in trouble for breaking the glass door, but that's not what broke my heart, what broke my heart was the fact that it was not me who did it the first time, it was random chance.
1%
and if we do not learn to differentiate between random chance, and your own effort, bad things can happen.
computer will now shut down.
26%
If you disagree but are not taking a side, than a person can make you feel retarded for believing in what you do. Then comes the point where you say "Shit, he's right what was I thinking? now it makes sense."
25%
Lets Jog to the other side and tell people about my new discovery, "What? Is that what you think is the actual truth? PLease obviously you don't understand" So then the explanation starts, and they both can sound as right as the other, even though they completely contradict each other. Now how does that work? Add that to the list of mYsteries that no one gives a shit about. And yes that is separate from the List of Mysteries that no one does nothing about.
23%
Seems like times most valuable when its spend living fast. I wonder when money is most valuable? When it's spent fast as well? Or when its being saved up? Its kind of weird how people look forward to when they retire to do the things "they always wanted to do" Whats the point of doing things when you need a hip replacement?
22%
Plan for the future but remember today is the day you are living, You cannot plan an event without picking a day. I wonder what the ratio is between hours worked and hours enjoyed to the average person. One that works too much will call the person that enjoys life too much irresponsible. And the one that plays too much will tell the person that works to much that he takes life too serious.
20%
But how serious does life need to be taken? obviously its the real thing, if you do not plan ahead you become stuck with a cycle that is not as rewarding as one that has higher ambition. But reality is, not everyone has high ambition, and that has always been looked at in such a condescending way. I guess people are ok with being servers until they are 60. Who am I to call that person a failure? For all I know if those 40 years were the years where that person made all his friends, met his loved one and spent those years laughing, then More power to him.
18%
It might just all come down whether you reached the goals you set for yourself, and not expectations that were laid out for you. People are contempt with less, does that mean that one lives a life with less fulfillment? Who knows? I keep saying I want to be a screenwriter, I would love to write and Produce my own show that gets signed by HBO. Saying it sounds so unreal, but these jobs due exist. why does it seem so impossible? Why does my mind set up bars around my ambitions and keep it locked in?
16%
I keep waiting on the day where I finally act off of impulse, like everything is going to happen for me by itself. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people feel that way. The crazy part is, throughout my life there have been small moments which made me believe that things play out in your favor by itself. And because of those moments, im stuck waiting for that to happen again. When a highly improbable moment goes your way, you cannot help to think that was because of you.
14%
Let me explain that thought, When I was a kid, maybe like 7 or 8. My parents hated when we played soccer inside the house, one day when my mom was cooking and my dad was at work, me and my brother (MY brother and I (Fuck You)) played soccer in the house. We would set up a goal next to the living room door, which was a door with a wooden frame but the whole middle part was glass. So we played and whatever then my brother left or something
12%
Then it happened. WIth the ball in front of me, i stared at the light switch which was located about 3 feet off the floor and about 10 feet away from me. and half a foot away from the Living room door. I look down, aim, and kick the ball, and it hits the light switch perfectly and the switch turns off. It was a miracle.
11%
That moment gave me so much confidence, I did not even question the fact if it was random chance, or finely tuned skills that made that event happen. Obviously it was my amazing skills. People had to know about my supernatural powers. I Must share with the WORLD! My brother comes back and I tell him, "Look what I can do!" Because it was not chance that made this happen, it was me.
10%
So I placed the ball exactly where it was before, and now my brother is sitting there with the suspense killing him, wondering what my superpower was. I take a step or two away from the ball, look at the ball, look at my brother, drop a cheesy one liner which I'm hoping was, "Remember today Brother, for today we are free"
8%
Then I kick the Ball aiming exactly where the light switch is. Then the most amazing thing happened. Time slowed down, I saw each frame that my brain received through my eyeballs, it was like a slow motion high definition camera. I watched the ball move oh so gallantly through the air, it was beautiful, magnificent, marvelous, Flawless.
6%
Then the devil himself, taking the form of physics, came and changed the direction, as if he just nudged the soccer ball while it was in midst of its flight. Now I am watching this new path the ball chose to take, and saw where it was heading. It was heading towards a mere path of destruction.
5%
As the ball approached the living room door, it finally made contact dead center in the middle, and I watched the glass, in such a fragile fashion, form these cracks which were born at the point of contact, grow into this wild flower which outgrew itself to a point in which it caused its own destruction, and then it all shattered into million pieces.
3%
And there it was, my superpower was a hoax. Now Im in trouble for breaking the glass door, but that's not what broke my heart, what broke my heart was the fact that it was not me who did it the first time, it was random chance.
1%
and if we do not learn to differentiate between random chance, and your own effort, bad things can happen.
computer will now shut down.
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