Sitting,
quiet,
or quietly, it really doesn't make a difference, I guess it's more both. There aren't any expectations, just sitting doing whatever it is that is keeping me occupied. More so I'm being done by what I want. Occupied in my own space, then suddenly,
Who is this intruder?
What do they want,
what did I forget?
What did I do?
Who the FUCK is it?
Why don't I know who is coming?
Why wouldn't they tell me?
Are they trying to Catch me in the act?
What Act?
What am I doing?
What are they trying to find which their minds disable them to ask?
I quickly rush up the stairs,
Slowly and gently lift the blinds,
Man it's bright out,
Why is she here?
She cannot see me like this,
She just wont understand.
Can I ignore her?
No I can't do that, No fucking way.
Fuck, what do I do?
Just sit till it goes away,
Its painful I know, but sit, ignore,
Be a coward,
Good job,
you're doing a great job at being a coward.
Just sit there, and don't face your problems.
It's not even a big problem, regardless,
Just keep doing that.
Sitting, standing, walking, listening to music, maybe cleaning,
I turn down the volume in case someone is coming, or already arrived.
Man it's been a long day, I'm in need for some good company, I need the Laugh, It's my fix.
Cleaning dishes, or picking shit up from my round table, Just about trying to do anything to make it seem like I am doing something. Why?
Shit I wish i knew why. I might be the only person that does shit, to make it seem like I am doing shit, aware of the fact that I am behaving in such fashion.
Are you more guilty of the sins that you commit, the more aware you are of the sin you are committing? Am I the only one that acts like I don't know what I am doing just to get away with doing it? Because if word gets out that you are "aware" of the sins that you commit, for some reason, their magnitude is increased. THe punishment comes without the hope of mercy.
THen company finally arrives, perfect timing, in the midst of me doing laundry. Perfect. Now I Hear the porch gate closing, and the door bell ringing, followed by obnoxious knocks on the door.
Now I could have just opened the door, before he even rang the door bell. But it doesn't work like that. Let him wait, not to be a douche, but to make it seem I am doing something.
God forbid people to know that I spend my time not doing shit, and wasting, or not using, my time.
Not using sounds better, waste is such an ugly word.
Open the door, talk shit, whats up,
come in, same routine,
bullshit, laugh, stay quite, go to the kitchen,
find something,
think of something,
Go outside, maybe, Play in the porch,
come back in, indulge in festivities,
We strayed away from orange mint for a while, but who are we kidding, that is the default formation.
I just wish we had better coals.
Fuck!? What was that? Oh shit, it's 8:30 A.M.
Lift the Blinds, Damn it, not again!
They didn't even leave me a note this time warning me!
That's Bullshit! Fuck, even if they did, what was I to do at that point?
Damn it, It's too fucking hot for this shit. Hearing the gate close behind him makes me want to jump out my window and kick him in the back of his neck.
Like that would do something. Oh well, I guess I'll set up the candles again. Not my first time at this fucking rodeo. I just wish it would be my last.
Lets see, the lighting looks pretty cool actually, But I just wish I could Charge my laptop, and have my X Box and Tv working. I really can care less about the lights.
FUck the Stove is an Electric stove. Cant light up the coals. I guess I'll just use the self light ones, man do they suck. Thank god for weed and staying optimistic, well I guess just be thankful for the first one, which vibes out optimism. This candle lit circle is kinda cool.
let's crack jokes about being broke as fuck, Being thrown to the bottom and still laughing it up.
That is what really matters right? Enjoying what you have regardless of what it is you have.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing, is it crazy to say, I have found certain joys about not having anything.
How does that work?
Music bumpin, jumpin out the shower, I already know he is gonna take about an hour.
So I time it accordingly. Singing Rapping dancing, waiting and changing,
Just enjoying my own company. Take my time in front of the mirror, well more time than the average.
So the usual, 3 minutes max, today 5 minutes minimum. Slap the deodorant, put on a fun shirt, for fun times, do the hair,
Then The gate squeaks and its game time,
Alright alright, Gimme one sec, lemme just have a final check,
Okay, lookin fresh,
Wallet, Keys, phone,
Time passes, Gate squeaks thats me going home, maybe few homies came through, if so good for you, Ill make you a good bowl, no worries, Its my home, make you feel like you at yours,
Want a glass of water? of course.
Sit talk, most of it is bullshit anyway, but we need eachother right now, as the night fades away.
They all go their separate paths, some stay.
But I finally put my head down, Once the LAst squeak from my porch gate has passed.
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