My own reflection

I want to,
see what happens,
when i start a sentence,
hoping you read,
this with a certain expectation,
that you have kept in mind,
praying,
actually,
not really,
rather,
just half-heartedly wished,
not realizing,
the image that really,
showed itself,
to the eye,
of
the Holder,
of Beauty.
So really,
an apology should only be expected,
if your actions,
were carried out consciously.
But then that would make,
every step,
and every act,
so malicious.
And that
cannot be
the truth,
ever,
because
as a matter of fact,
I laugh,
because I know,
that the direction
i am headed towards,
is spitefully pushed,
by my own crazy agenda.
Not for a second do we admit,
when we surrender,
control,
I have,
not given
her any,
yet
I just chose,
to act appropriately.
Call me,
a name which,
I have not heard,
And I say this,
not in the sense,
where the intention,
is to seek
your genuine
Sympathy.
trust me,
What makes me most uncomfortable,
is when people,
try to take care of me.
In a very specific sense,
get your head out of the gutter,
i am trying to be serious,
But yet,
I do believe,
that what I mean,
is impossible to see,
at this point,
for I am drowning again,
in my red sea,
Yes
by that,
I mean whiskey.
Whether it is what I think it is,
is up for him to know.
I'm done shaking hands,
over bets,
that I end up breaking,
because my guilt can't be shaken,
Undefeated,
you say you are,
Let me ask you
If torture is forbidden
in All religion
then why is it
allowed in
Hell?
Please do not immediately
feel the need to
make an argument,
for that which,
you have no business
with.
Please understand what I am saying.
Can you
She can,
or cannot. I seriously,
with all honesty inside of my conscious part of my inner thought,
do not know,
what she wants.
But that really is not for me to
try to
understand,
when I beg
for help,
the way,
the only way,
I know how.
So please do not think I am
an asshole,
I swear I am the nicest
warmest,
person,
yet,
all that I imagine myself
to be,
is never checked,
by the image that Is actually,
shown to reality.


Fuck You.
You don't know Me.




I believe in forever,
regardless of how empty it leaves us at the end.
regardless if death is the only promised exit.

I never want to leave the world that you exist in.

After death,
i'll follow you wherever.

I don't care what you want.