Have I Grown Just To Stay Exactly The Same?

I am the voice
A sensation
A resonating thought
From a whisper
Growing infinite
To the strength
Breaking barriers
Shaped to hold me apart from the feeling that I let flow with ease.
To look up
not to look down
To forget the past
To let it all go
The Purpose of having moments of regret
are hard to comprehend
When justifying the means
For the inevitable end
My friend
I have held you so high in regards that you do not deserve
I refuse to hold myself to the standard I deserve
I place you higher
Why?
I let you step forward
I let you, my power just for me to be transitioned into a powerless state.

I hate that

Hate, I feel in regards to a few things.

My own submissiveness, The part of me that exists with such a resentful wish
given by only your breath.
What is it you seek?
Not a thought passes through your mind where you think of me.

I am completely isolated from your soul,
I yearn to connect with something
someone yet not just anyone
Leading a life where I am headed towards despair and wholesome loneliness

Do i really seek comfort?
From this life that holds absolutely no meaning.
Really its only a secret that you hide from yourself

You hide behind religion,
the unseen
the god that lifts my spirits

The spirits that exists because you see it

Nonsense To me
everything for you.

What is it I want
Simply everything my ego screams and demands for.

A human is simple.

Food sex and comfort.

the complexities have risen in acquiring finer things, finer sex, finer food, finer comfort

beyond anything else how do we prove otherwise?

The humbled servant of god that denounces their own nature, their own desire, the selfless life of true piety, if it even exists.

To surrender to give up, to not make the world a better place.

Feeling as if not contributing or not taking part in anything IS the best for this world.

Simply pass as never having passed, just to be as meaningless as existence itself.
To leave no marks, letting evil, that god created for the sake of lessons that need to be taught, just be.

It's all justified, every sin.

Every division.

Where is the meaning you seek?

What do we do to not give in to ourselves?

Why shouldn't we? What's the questions you ask? What reason does it have?

Where is my freedom
the consciousness I carry confuses me, I want to be simple, But I am simple, it's just my own perception of my genius that causes confusion. A true delusion!

I believe it!
My greatness! That I am too humble to admit too!

Isn't that what makes me truly an intelligent person?

The simultaneous awareness of my enlightenment alongside with how it coincides with humanity.

How my delusion fits no part of any puzzle because I am just one person in a small corner of the world trying to see greatness in my attempts to only distract myself from me ageing
and that inevitable void. That I so welcome, with patience because of the visions that I have

That I see myself among these stars
that are placed for us to idealize and to make us never feel content with what we have.
How can I want a life that I know doesn't  give me happiness.

But I know it does.

To be great at what I do,
Just to talk about wanting to do it.
Never doing it.
Afraid of failure so I sit and stay away.

A thousand reasons to not be happy.

I do not deserve it.

How selfless of me.

My mind is split into parts, where I see everything from the other perspective but never from the point within.

We spawn into this life, our eyes translate reality
our mind interprets
yet we see it all different

How?
Why?
We wage war because I am right and you are wrong.

We choose not to participate because neither is right or wrong.


My weakness wouldn't allow me to be strong.
What a simple way to put it.

You breathe easy and let me carry your struggles
You enjoy the life I wish I had
While I carry the misfortunes.

Grab the women I sought to fill baseness
Letting me feel jealous of never having felt what you indulge in.

I hate that feeling yet I let it hit me in the face

Like falling to the floor and tasting dirt

an inferior complex way of having a reality check

To be indifferent through delusion.

How do I feel so disconnected in a world where I claim I feel so much?

Every one of my senses is wide awake.

I have stopped numbing myself, this is my reawakening
and its pointless really.

I liked myself better as a drunk.
I could make that argument.

What the fuck are you looking at?
I don't have scars. Just one. Repetitive.

Play along just to be part of love.

To stand up and denounce just to lose the warmth that I denied.
Seems backwards.

I really wish I could believe in god.

But how could I if all this is so ridiculous.

I'm translating my visions into an unrealistic reality.
There is nothing else left for us to do, then to always stay true.

Us Men Are Plagued By Sex

This is my choice

These are my feelings

Plain, empty at times

Meaningless, the envy I hold to those that love life with such ease

Only at times when I feel the most crippled

The only constant in my life is that my mood will always fluctuate

Today I feel better, with the sun rising I can say that I do

I am not in love anymore

I am not in love with you

My senses have become dull

How lustful I am

Searching for such meaning 

Within non-existing hands

I do not need her to be there

I only wish for the search

That small glimpse of hope

Washed away 

Melting into another day

There is no you

You never were

It was always me

Projecting the feelings I yearn

From the deepest parts of my soul

Feeling it all shift

With heaviness 

I cannot bear this

Excruciating pain, that is eternally promised in hell

An abstract thought meant to keep me in line

I stand up, I have never given in

It was always my weakness in character that allowed the strong to sin

Moments of shame, 

Letting whoever step on my name

With memories flickering in the back of my brain

To feel the hunger, why watch them eat?

I've made a fool of myself

A thought to be forgotten, how easy they sleep

I have accepted defeat

And I will never surrender

Let death have it's day

But I am not walking that way

Evil prevails, such a melody it has

That makes everyone dance

The undeniable charm

Of unhidden flaws

The jealousy that I have

That I cannot break you apart

And the one that can

The person that wills

Is petty, just as much as me

Just standing on different sides 

Facing each other 

You can care less

Eyes at my side wondering about the weight of my pockets

My eye is on you, the justification behind the eyes

The voice that gives you life

The will that makes you draw breath

What repetition of thought do you suffer from, is it like mine?

I view myself strong, as a lie to hide that I am weak

Just like the lie where I tell myself

I do not give into my baseness because I am better than that

Truth be told

I cannot give into my baseness because I lack strength

The way I see the one that can 

To eat, to conquer flesh and blood

All at once, flaunt their victory

At the eyes of the inferior

At people like me, wishing to be same

I don't have what it takes

I believe that you are a moron, while you devour your pray

To be bland

Simple and plain

Talk about regular things, the weather, or how was your day?

How everything comes back to the fact of me wanting to get laid

Is this what I am?

Just a guy, out of touch, typing away

Claiming to be better, noble, turning my face

I feel arrogant when I denounce your actions

I feel hypocritical, she gives it all to you, nothing me

I do not 'nothing' your existence

I just pretend that I do

Wrapping all my time around the idea of denying what's true

I have secretly admired the cruel

For the strength of their disregard

Skulls thick or thin

One side watching while the other enjoying

I justify, I am better

That my vile thoughts are under control

Only because how?

That I am a man that feels life pump its blood 

Through the coldest red lips that bleeds when it tears

Words spoken from the heart 

Letting my genuine spark

Emit its glow

It's okay that people like you will steal the show

With a million gazes

Watching and admiring

The way I have done in secret

I wish to rid myself of my vanity

I want you to keep it

Dreaming of my head held by clouds floating away with my laughter staying in place

How difficult life is

A tremendous weight created by a word spoken out of place

Standing and climbing, tired I've grown

Feeling guilty when resting, what can I show

The time that I've tried to gather success

The only result is a disorganised mess 

But who is to say

And who is to blame?

Everything tangled slowly started decaying

A similar pattern growing shorter and shorter

A familiar place while the air is not fresh

The excitement of new

A day turning blue

The disappointment of structure

The melancholy of discipline

Growing tired of routine

A shorter route for chasing my dream 

It does not exist

This is a true step

Then comes the next

Then comes new breath

The promise of change

Is the fulfilment of each day

Fighting laziness at every moment

Admitting to my own jealousy

Releasing my pettiness

Embracing my baseness

My vile and crude thoughts

Letting my vanity rid itself by each accomplishment I make

I am a human, poisoned by sex.

If that is all that I want, then what is the meaning to this?

There is no meaning at all

That is what I believe

For some that is not enough

I have life, how much more does there need to be?