These are my feelings
Plain, empty at times
Meaningless, the envy I hold to those that love life with such ease
Only at times when I feel the most crippled
The only constant in my life is that my mood will always fluctuate
Today I feel better, with the sun rising I can say that I do
I am not in love anymore
I am not in love with you
My senses have become dull
How lustful I am
Searching for such meaning
Within non-existing hands
I do not need her to be there
I only wish for the search
That small glimpse of hope
Washed away
Melting into another day
There is no you
You never were
It was always me
Projecting the feelings I yearn
From the deepest parts of my soul
Feeling it all shift
With heaviness
I cannot bear this
Excruciating pain, that is eternally promised in hell
An abstract thought meant to keep me in line
I stand up, I have never given in
It was always my weakness in character that allowed the strong to sin
Moments of shame,
Letting whoever step on my name
With memories flickering in the back of my brain
To feel the hunger, why watch them eat?
I've made a fool of myself
A thought to be forgotten, how easy they sleep
I have accepted defeat
And I will never surrender
Let death have it's day
But I am not walking that way
Evil prevails, such a melody it has
That makes everyone dance
The undeniable charm
Of unhidden flaws
The jealousy that I have
That I cannot break you apart
And the one that can
The person that wills
Is petty, just as much as me
Just standing on different sides
Facing each other
You can care less
Eyes at my side wondering about the weight of my pockets
My eye is on you, the justification behind the eyes
The voice that gives you life
The will that makes you draw breath
What repetition of thought do you suffer from, is it like mine?
I view myself strong, as a lie to hide that I am weak
Just like the lie where I tell myself
I do not give into my baseness because I am better than that
Truth be told
I cannot give into my baseness because I lack strength
The way I see the one that can
To eat, to conquer flesh and blood
All at once, flaunt their victory
At the eyes of the inferior
At people like me, wishing to be same
I don't have what it takes
I believe that you are a moron, while you devour your pray
To be bland
Simple and plain
Talk about regular things, the weather, or how was your day?
How everything comes back to the fact of me wanting to get laid
Is this what I am?
Just a guy, out of touch, typing away
Claiming to be better, noble, turning my face
I feel arrogant when I denounce your actions
I feel hypocritical, she gives it all to you, nothing me
I do not 'nothing' your existence
I just pretend that I do
Wrapping all my time around the idea of denying what's true
I have secretly admired the cruel
For the strength of their disregard
Skulls thick or thin
One side watching while the other enjoying
I justify, I am better
That my vile thoughts are under control
Only because how?
That I am a man that feels life pump its blood
Through the coldest red lips that bleeds when it tears
Words spoken from the heart
Letting my genuine spark
Emit its glow
It's okay that people like you will steal the show
With a million gazes
Watching and admiring
The way I have done in secret
I wish to rid myself of my vanity
I want you to keep it
Dreaming of my head held by clouds floating away with my laughter staying in place
How difficult life is
A tremendous weight created by a word spoken out of place
Standing and climbing, tired I've grown
Feeling guilty when resting, what can I show
The time that I've tried to gather success
The only result is a disorganised mess
But who is to say
And who is to blame?
Everything tangled slowly started decaying
A similar pattern growing shorter and shorter
A familiar place while the air is not fresh
The excitement of new
A day turning blue
The disappointment of structure
The melancholy of discipline
Growing tired of routine
A shorter route for chasing my dream
It does not exist
This is a true step
Then comes the next
Then comes new breath
The promise of change
Is the fulfilment of each day
Fighting laziness at every moment
Admitting to my own jealousy
Releasing my pettiness
Embracing my baseness
My vile and crude thoughts
Letting my vanity rid itself by each accomplishment I make
I am a human, poisoned by sex.
If that is all that I want, then what is the meaning to this?
There is no meaning at all
That is what I believe
For some that is not enough
I have life, how much more does there need to be?
No comments:
Post a Comment