Monsters

Growing up I was surrounded by family,
everyone loved everyone,
well at least it felt like everyone
loved me,
as I did them,
Feeling like you’re far from home,
blood will always support its own,

I would lose my center step,
as if I couldn’t grasp the most simple concept
I don’t care what you say
right now my heart screams for its home
in the oddest of ways.

Parallel we strung along

Never to cross paths,
So now I realize that I was just this curios guy
running around like a little kid
just wondering
what’s on the other side

I’ve open the doors now
to most that have closed,
Never did I imagine these days to come,
A much needed reflection
of a clear image
of myself.

Where is my soul and heart?
And if home is where the heart is
I’ve got a long ways to walk
I open the door
and they were waiting all along.

My mother said to me,

I knew you were coming back!
Not for a second did I not pray to God for you to come back
I know,
I have faith in God
I know he loves us.
She hugged me so hard,
I felt her relief,
she no longer feared
for the eternal outcome of my soul
The love of a mother
will defy reason
on the coldest day of any Winter,
I guess you could say

My fathers words I remember the most
when he welcomed me back home
He offered me his trust again,
and hugged and kissed me,

I accepted and said I'm ready to build the house from scratch
He wiped his tears
smiled and said,
you have a long ways to go.

The little ones were both there
playing their own game!

Hadude  is home!
Look!
They were fighting over who I snatch up first
So I grabbed them both
Held them up high
spun them around
I started dancing in the room

They were giggling with ease

I've haven't felt this happy in years
Threw them on the couch
Tickled them both into complete submission

Happy as can be it felt,
and I finally realized.
My search for home is over.

Goodness,
I honestly don’t know what made that come out.
What a bull shit story.
Cartoons are for kids. Grow up ya clown.
Trying to have the coolest room
as if trying to compensate for all the
"loss of cool points"
in highschool

Ugh you’re so pathetic.
Smile at me already,
Why do you hold it in?
And if you’re not, then shit who’s time are you wasting?
If not your own.

I don’t care if you waste my time,
I just want to ask
if you care whether or not
you waste your own time
with a follow up question…..
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I literally stopped writing and took like 10 minutes off because I just didn’t like where I was going with that.

Deal with it,
okay like I just got done writing about my family,
I was telling you a wishful pretend story that my mother every day visualizes happening someday,
....one day


I chuckle out loud like a douche sometimes
C.O.L.
col……..
cololololol
COLLLLLL!!!!!
COL!

Chuckle is legit,
I don’t know if I have mentioned this yet,
but the day I got back from Tucson,
I had such a crazy,
VIVID dream.

Listen,
I know I used  to complain about how the word vivid
didn’t fit,
it’s own definition,
based on the way it sounds.

I believe it should only be applied when you remember a dream clearly.
Dreams are vivid,
nothing is ever clear.

In this dream,
I lived in some weird fuckin underworld demon society,
where my neighbors that I lived with,
were these cruel
dark and gruesome
yet extremely powerful and majestical
demons…demented demons,
fuck you
I’m definitely not trying to describe dementors,
if anything their color in my dreams
were toxic,
Not a glow,
just…idk
it was gritty,

These creatures I lived with
it seemed like
hated each other
knowing it would never change
never to grant an ounce of mercy

If such occasion would ever rise
why end him
when you can keep him alive
Just to torture
and strip him down more

Peel flesh,
there is no sick need for it,
not because I want,
just because I can.

It was a nightmare I was in,
and I was aware I was in it.
I chose to explore,
my neighbors worlds.
Their wickedness scared me
Horrifying sensations,
heavy dark gloom
weighing you down,

The biggest stand out for me was

How  my neighbors were so horrifying
but never harmed me,

and oddly displayed how they would never wish to harm me
The way they would harm each other.

Now I regret no trying to harm one of them.

whatever

The dream got all dark and scary,

I got so scared where I gave up and just said fuck this

At one point I wished death upon myself because I knew it would end the dream.

I felt like I spent a lifetime in that dream.

Haaaah,
I babble
too much.

BABBLEONEAN

“See trust is like building a house,
he said
One piece at a time
Once you break the smallest piece
It’ll all come crumbling down…”