Was it loss?
Who did he lose?
was it a best friend? Was it a lover? A parent?
Did it happen when he was young? And why is it that it made him do the things he did?
Why could he not deal with it? What makes his situation worse than the others?
What makes you believe in a slight way that his actions are justified by his past opposed to saying he is hiding behind his past using it as an excuse.
What makes you believe in him?
Could a bad heart Break make a man lose his faith in everything?
What is his motive for such acts which make sense in a rational sense, but morally it is completely wrong.
What makes a human commit acts where even the loved ones can't look into the eyes of their lovers.
Perhaps its that right there.
The act of protecting to such an aggressive extent where the one protected cannot even recognize the person, and only sees a monster that was created by the environment.
Is that a good enough reason?
Well what is it?
What situation can be constructed where if you do not protect you lose what you cherish and love the most,
but if you do protect, what you love and cherish the most abandons you, because of what you had to do just to protect what you love.
That sounds like something I can work with.
But what is the act.
It has to be something that is not personal.
Well not JUST personal. something that has a meaning that many can relate and many would do the same.
Murder? Perhaps? Where one believes murder is the only way, to protect, but the other just doesn't accept murder to be something that is a viable option.
At what point do you fight for survival?
At the cost of a clear conscious?
Or would you give that up, and become numb at night when you sleep?
What line do you draw for yourself, and what line do you draw for the person that you love the most.
You would go further into darkness to save the one you love, than you would for yourself?
What breaks him?
I need to knooooow!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Whatever, You know what the problem is.
When the pain becomes numb, I guess thats when you'll miss the pain.
Yet I still don't understand, why go through all that, just to give yourself an excuse to hop out and not go through with it.
I'm not there yet either, but I'm aware which direction we are walking towards. And the thing is, we are walking that direction together, our destinations are the same.
Does that mean you don't want me to mention it, just when we get there, we get there?
Retarded, all of it, Trying to figure out if its worth it. I wonder if it is. I need to be more productive.
Lets see how Long I can cut out smoking weed.
I want to feel high again,
I miss the feeling of being goofy and silly, seems like I just get too wrapped up in my own thought.
I think of reasons why people choose to do evil acts, and I can't come across any reasons other than the fact that they have lost hope in humanity.
Lost hope,
fully.
I guess that's not true,
I'm realizing now while I am writing.
There is a concept that people who have a wider sense of vocabulary are generally smarter than people who don't.
I guess that's true, however slang should not be looked at as uneducated.
saying that completely overlooks all the intelligent aspects of slang.
It's a sophisticated way of speaking, where combined words have an alternate meaning, its coding it.
People can never understand slang who think too literal.
To me its a good measurement of someone's common sense.
But shit, I'm running out of God Damn patience,
I'll wait forever, it's okay I dont Give a shit.
But If I fall on my face one more time.
I don't think I can take it.
FUck,
Please don't let that day come.
Yet I still don't understand, why go through all that, just to give yourself an excuse to hop out and not go through with it.
I'm not there yet either, but I'm aware which direction we are walking towards. And the thing is, we are walking that direction together, our destinations are the same.
Does that mean you don't want me to mention it, just when we get there, we get there?
Retarded, all of it, Trying to figure out if its worth it. I wonder if it is. I need to be more productive.
Lets see how Long I can cut out smoking weed.
I want to feel high again,
I miss the feeling of being goofy and silly, seems like I just get too wrapped up in my own thought.
I think of reasons why people choose to do evil acts, and I can't come across any reasons other than the fact that they have lost hope in humanity.
Lost hope,
fully.
I guess that's not true,
I'm realizing now while I am writing.
There is a concept that people who have a wider sense of vocabulary are generally smarter than people who don't.
I guess that's true, however slang should not be looked at as uneducated.
saying that completely overlooks all the intelligent aspects of slang.
It's a sophisticated way of speaking, where combined words have an alternate meaning, its coding it.
People can never understand slang who think too literal.
To me its a good measurement of someone's common sense.
But shit, I'm running out of God Damn patience,
I'll wait forever, it's okay I dont Give a shit.
But If I fall on my face one more time.
I don't think I can take it.
FUck,
Please don't let that day come.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
The only eyes, are yours and mine.
One day I'll be free,
at least I hope.
It's the same cycle. Just when you figured out that you have nothing figured out, you realize, nothing really.
Sometimes I want things to be correct, or at least the way I have it visioned in my thoughts. If it feels so right to me, how can't it not feel that right to you? It just comes down to just giving it a try without the feel of being forced into something.
But someone is always on the other end. Where there is gain, there has to be loss. what defines gain?
Simplicity can be so foolish, to the person who can't see things a certain way anymore.
I ruined it for myself, my favorite of all things, places, ideas, thoughts, dreams, whatever the fuck.
get what you can, and get it while it's there. I can't do it anymore,
It's unfortunate that I haven't even started. It makes no sense to apologize, when the apology is filled with judgment and pity. "I don't want your PiTy" is the biggest lie. At least when you tell me that. This isn't about you though, I guess the one that knows, just knows.
Reads, and smiles, or thinks, or questions. "Is it about me or not?"
How special one feels when coming across a random act, only to realize, it's all for you. It was always meant for you.
Kindly, so gently, you laugh and turn away and take off, only to be seen with an image which i have not yet become familiar too. Rejection is the worst relative, but yet we have to acknowledge it's existence. Sometimes I'd rather not. Let me be,
Let me be.
I know I'm falling, But this time I am going to believe my lie.
Oh you sweet terrible lie, the more you believe, the more i give, the less i worry, the more you question, the more i feel, the need to create this idea, this sick and twisted thought.
Don't believe it, please don't.
But you did, and I will hate myself, only for the moment.
Even this bad feeling is just tomorrows memory.
How long can it possibly haunt me for?
Stop being a bitch and get over it.
You should have known better, I did and I still went in diving head first.
You don't see me limping.
I don't need a crutch.
Fuck, how do we sleep at night.
With the company of my thoughts, I barely can rest.
With the company of my habits, I barely think.
Habits, how do we break them?
Just one day get up and say,
today is the day I guess.
Let's just do it tomorrow.
tonight, tonight, tonight
understand me please, but you can't.
No one can.
Except for you.
And you hold it over my head, and smile.
And so do I. Except we both smile for the same reason.
The moments where only you and I share a truth, that has been exposed to no other eyes,
other than yours and mine.
Every thought is meditated,
every action is calculated.
Even after death, I beg you to haunt me.
But we can't all have what we beg for.
So ask nicely, and hold your hand out, and be grateful to the rain,
its not everyday, the sky quenches your thirst.
Yet we look towards the sky when it hurts the most?
Not me, I'm done doing that shit, no one even responds.
I'm doing this, for me, and for me only.
THe curse of humanity, to be so fucking selfish.
It's either you or me?
I'll jump first so I don't have to see you die.
I care less what you want.
Or do I? And if I did? Why?
Ehhhhhh, not things that I want to share, never do,
I never do.
backspace, button I ignore but i have forgotten under certain occasion.
Juices stop flowing, No seriously, Just stop.
I can't help but to notice, that you have not noticed me at all.
How frightening is that.
at least I hope.
It's the same cycle. Just when you figured out that you have nothing figured out, you realize, nothing really.
Sometimes I want things to be correct, or at least the way I have it visioned in my thoughts. If it feels so right to me, how can't it not feel that right to you? It just comes down to just giving it a try without the feel of being forced into something.
But someone is always on the other end. Where there is gain, there has to be loss. what defines gain?
Simplicity can be so foolish, to the person who can't see things a certain way anymore.
I ruined it for myself, my favorite of all things, places, ideas, thoughts, dreams, whatever the fuck.
get what you can, and get it while it's there. I can't do it anymore,
It's unfortunate that I haven't even started. It makes no sense to apologize, when the apology is filled with judgment and pity. "I don't want your PiTy" is the biggest lie. At least when you tell me that. This isn't about you though, I guess the one that knows, just knows.
Reads, and smiles, or thinks, or questions. "Is it about me or not?"
How special one feels when coming across a random act, only to realize, it's all for you. It was always meant for you.
Kindly, so gently, you laugh and turn away and take off, only to be seen with an image which i have not yet become familiar too. Rejection is the worst relative, but yet we have to acknowledge it's existence. Sometimes I'd rather not. Let me be,
Let me be.
I know I'm falling, But this time I am going to believe my lie.
Oh you sweet terrible lie, the more you believe, the more i give, the less i worry, the more you question, the more i feel, the need to create this idea, this sick and twisted thought.
Don't believe it, please don't.
But you did, and I will hate myself, only for the moment.
Even this bad feeling is just tomorrows memory.
How long can it possibly haunt me for?
Stop being a bitch and get over it.
You should have known better, I did and I still went in diving head first.
You don't see me limping.
I don't need a crutch.
Fuck, how do we sleep at night.
With the company of my thoughts, I barely can rest.
With the company of my habits, I barely think.
Habits, how do we break them?
Just one day get up and say,
today is the day I guess.
Let's just do it tomorrow.
tonight, tonight, tonight
understand me please, but you can't.
No one can.
Except for you.
And you hold it over my head, and smile.
And so do I. Except we both smile for the same reason.
The moments where only you and I share a truth, that has been exposed to no other eyes,
other than yours and mine.
Every thought is meditated,
every action is calculated.
Even after death, I beg you to haunt me.
But we can't all have what we beg for.
So ask nicely, and hold your hand out, and be grateful to the rain,
its not everyday, the sky quenches your thirst.
Yet we look towards the sky when it hurts the most?
Not me, I'm done doing that shit, no one even responds.
I'm doing this, for me, and for me only.
THe curse of humanity, to be so fucking selfish.
It's either you or me?
I'll jump first so I don't have to see you die.
I care less what you want.
Or do I? And if I did? Why?
Ehhhhhh, not things that I want to share, never do,
I never do.
backspace, button I ignore but i have forgotten under certain occasion.
Juices stop flowing, No seriously, Just stop.
I can't help but to notice, that you have not noticed me at all.
How frightening is that.
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