Goddamned Words

What if there was this person, 

who can hear every whisper and hear every thought. 

Sees every action,
Even the ones done in the dark. 

What if this person controls your life at the snap of their finger.
And what decides such,
nothing,
but his will,
just so more you can linger.
Would fear lie within your heart as you move upon your day.
Because we want to live regardless of what any mind say.
So for him you do anything, 

all he asks is for you to pray.
In return for your prayers
Much reward is needed.

He says 

"if you die for me,  

I guarantee that you'll be treated."

Now every day do the same
Take your lifestyle now repeat it.
Living in that world everyday To feel completed.
No matter what these fellings You're feeling, 

this Man can never be beaten.
Any wound you'll ever feel he guarantee that he can heal it.
Would you believe him?
As long as you accept that you'll never see him.
He said you will but not during the time that you are breathin

"Look at me

For real,

Would YOU believe HIM?"

most say yes and few say no.
I just try to keep it real
By letting my thoughts flow.
You say yes so easily like its knowledge that should already be known.
Like one day you were graced too see a real angel glow
Like you have seen the gates of heaven and its trees that it grows
You look down on me

All I ask is, 

"how do YOU know?

Why do you get to and not me?

Something fucked and twisted in my mind"

you say,

"Probably.

He hasn't forsaken you,

you have forsaken thee,

Almighty."

Is he?

So why is he hiding?

I want to speak to him just him

To see which way his mind spins.

I would ask him

Lots of questions.

"What happened?"

You said you're the most merciful,

Yet no mercy is given to the ones who need it most.

With greater power comes greater responsibility.

"It's what YOU said to me!"

What good is power when it's not used when it ought to be.

Do you follow me?

Then these spineless minds interrupt, 

"How can you question the words spoken by he who knows the most.

He who is the greatest

He who is the wisest

He is the most gracious.

Most merciful.

Do not ask him this now, 

you must fully really follow him first."

Sorry, 

but you're not his spokesperson,
If he wants me to follow 

he better give me the time that I deserve.
Where was I?

"It's not that I,

wonder why,

things happened to me,

that have made me cry.

 I don't need the truth to not make sense.

                 Just so I can get by."

My issue is,

You say you're the best that ever is

And ever was.

And that the realest questions

We cannot discuss.

Create a world 

where everyone will fight and die

and never have told you a lie.

Where the individual minds get combined,

into a large machine that our own eyes can't see

Disabling us to realize

That we are just as free

as he says he will let  us be.

That he has written your destiny.
Yet 

some say

if you pray 

he might change it for you, 

only if he wills it to be.

So I ask you, 

yes I'm talking to thee,

Almighty.

How can you say all that to me 

and expect me to believe

that I am still free?

Am I crazy for saying,

I think someone is lying to me.

That I cannot follow, 

respect 

and believe 

 in that which cannot

                           show itself to me?

Then the moment starts hitting, 

             you're sitting 

realizing your speech that you gave to the sky.

No one was listening.

And the realness keeps sinking
In and further in and it doesn't stop
Till you are for certain.

Then you ask me, 

"how are youuu so sure then?"

You who reads and asks the same,

I say to you,

"You haven't listen to a Goddamned Word then."

In 20 years, I will look back on this summer and wonder.

It has been an interesting couple of days.
while the sun has been out, my shirt as been off mostly.

I really do enjoy that.

This is my last summer here,
that I know of.

And I'm sure it is going to be a quiet exit. I have learned a lot of life lessons in tucson.

I have witnessed my growth,
and I have learned,
to always keep growing.

Yet things happen,
events,
that shake us.

Make us lose our base.
We question the direction we are heading.
Where are we going?
Tomorrow I cannot change what I do today.
Permanent is everything we say and do. Yet it is the thought of permanent that keeps us away.

If you feel like you are sleeping on a winning lottery ticket,
chances are,
you're really sleeping on a winning lottery ticket.

Afraid to keep going?
Or just afraid to start.

It's a lot easier to keep going,
Starting is the hard part.

For some people it might be the opposite,
but in all honesty,

Honesty is pure.
Honesty is genuine,
Honesty creates bonds.
which can only be broken by lies.

Deception, what a beautiful art.
which can only be enjoyed,
at the point of attack.

I'M TIRED OF BEING HERE,
I'M NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE,
OR WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE.

I WANTED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE,
I WANDERED OFF TOO FAR.

I TRUSTED,
AND THERE IS NO BLAME THAT GOES OUT.

THERE ARE NO FAULTS HERE,
IT IS US WHO DECIDES,
AND RIGHT DECISIONS ARE MADE,
WHEN KEEPING CONSEQUENCES IN MIND.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MYSELF FOR A WHILE NOW,
ONLY TO REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING I LEARN ABOUT MYSELF, GIVES ME JOY.

The hard part is realizing your potential and not acting upon it.
I have been wasting away, Pure waste, yet only few have stuck around.

Some have run away,
some have told me to fuck off.
Some have told me I don't like the person you have become,
Some have said they want nothing to do with me.
Some have hated me.
Some have hurt me.

I want to blame the people who abandoned me for my lack of effort in trying.

But I realize that is not right,
It is not the correct answer.

I have to work towards becoming that man that I see myself as.

It is difficult when your weakest thoughts make you act the strongest.

We give in,
We crack, and let it take over.
Yet it is us who does it to ourself.

No one to blame.
But your own thought.

How do we fight weakness?
Why fight it?
Why not give in?
It's okay to let emotion take over.

But we all know those are the wrong whispers that we choose to listen too.

Nothing stays the same,
It either gets better or worse.

Who is here with me,
And who is not.

There is no excuse,
People only give excuses as a sign of pity.

Thinking we cannot handle the truth.

But we all can handle it.

So who knows their reasoning.

Might be malicious,
might be righteous,
might be pure love.

Regardless, I stay marching,
forward I hope.

everyone is gifted I believe.
And we do not only owe to ourselves to conquer our destiny.
We owe it to the people that love and support us.

I can only look to them for help.

I have to tell myself I'm done.

I have to believe in what I believe to be impossible.

Life lessons are the hardest to take in.
We run the opposite way, just so we don't face reality.
We refuse to hear it,
see it,
feel it,
know it.

Because we realize the responsibility that comes with knowledge.
Your life changes, obligations are occurring.
Are we going to deny what we are?
Just because the attachments that come with it?

Are we going to rise and take on the challenge.
The crazy part is,
Not many are presented with the challenges that we face.
We know what is meant for us, yet we are too afraid to take it.

All because of what?
Afraid of change?
Are we that comfortable that we would rather stay and be and do what we have been accustomed too?

We are so blinded that we cannot see something real, when it is right there in front of us?
I plan on having no regrets in my life.
So far I have none.

Yet all I can think is whatever my next move is,
I will regret it.

But time has taught me one thing.

I have never been wrong, when i have decided to continue growing.
I want to live.
I want to see.


Forward I go.
Forward I go.

Letting go,

Letting go.

*Insert drunk text here*

Think
about her
thought by thought!

Just her,
just her......

The way she takes over,
just makes me feel....

complete?
is this how it might feel like?

too good to be true?
At first.

What an amazing thought.

I'll kill to feel the way those words felt.
Don't stop,

because I cannot live without now.

But If i am forced to,
I shall.

But I do not want to.

Just you.
Sweet you

How strong the magic is..........

How you take over,

And how I enjoy every moment


of my own defeat.....

Youuu

How amazing

how beautiful...

You are,

I'll hold you,

Till I can't.

And that day is after you give in.

Therefore It is not happening.

You're beauty,
Is not real.

It is not comprehensive,
through the eyes of any Man.

Except mine.

Your Lips.
Take me away,

To exactly where You want me to be.

No words.

Speechless,
Yet full of  thought,

So lay with me,
and want me,

As much as I want you?

what a dream that I know will never come true.

Surely there has to be an Evil out there that want us to  not be.

And that Evil,
I will fight till I die.

You make me weak,
you are my goddess.
You are my High Power.
You are,
The Most,

Beautiful.......

But you're eyes.....

As full as the moon,

But as deep as the ocean.

How corny that may seem.

Laugh as I do as I speak this

Left hand heavy drink,

How I imagine, us.

I have no idea, what it may hold.

But right now,

Is what I have always wanted.

and I have always wanted...

You.

since I can remember

How much you mean to me...

I do not even know.

Yet you take away my sleep.

When I think of you.



Yet the thought of you

Soothes me,
Because those eyes.....

Those eyes......
So close to mine......



So close to mine........

Till I die.

These eyes will comfort.

Our eyes,
Just yours
and
Mine......