It has been an interesting couple of days.
while the sun has been out, my shirt as been off mostly.
I really do enjoy that.
This is my last summer here,
that I know of.
And I'm sure it is going to be a quiet exit. I have learned a lot of life lessons in tucson.
I have witnessed my growth,
and I have learned,
to always keep growing.
Yet things happen,
events,
that shake us.
Make us lose our base.
We question the direction we are heading.
Where are we going?
Tomorrow I cannot change what I do today.
Permanent is everything we say and do. Yet it is the thought of permanent that keeps us away.
If you feel like you are sleeping on a winning lottery ticket,
chances are,
you're really sleeping on a winning lottery ticket.
Afraid to keep going?
Or just afraid to start.
It's a lot easier to keep going,
Starting is the hard part.
For some people it might be the opposite,
but in all honesty,
Honesty is pure.
Honesty is genuine,
Honesty creates bonds.
which can only be broken by lies.
Deception, what a beautiful art.
which can only be enjoyed,
at the point of attack.
I'M TIRED OF BEING HERE,
I'M NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE,
OR WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE.
I WANTED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE,
I WANDERED OFF TOO FAR.
I TRUSTED,
AND THERE IS NO BLAME THAT GOES OUT.
THERE ARE NO FAULTS HERE,
IT IS US WHO DECIDES,
AND RIGHT DECISIONS ARE MADE,
WHEN KEEPING CONSEQUENCES IN MIND.
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MYSELF FOR A WHILE NOW,
ONLY TO REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING I LEARN ABOUT MYSELF, GIVES ME JOY.
The hard part is realizing your potential and not acting upon it.
I have been wasting away, Pure waste, yet only few have stuck around.
Some have run away,
some have told me to fuck off.
Some have told me I don't like the person you have become,
Some have said they want nothing to do with me.
Some have hated me.
Some have hurt me.
I want to blame the people who abandoned me for my lack of effort in trying.
But I realize that is not right,
It is not the correct answer.
I have to work towards becoming that man that I see myself as.
It is difficult when your weakest thoughts make you act the strongest.
We give in,
We crack, and let it take over.
Yet it is us who does it to ourself.
No one to blame.
But your own thought.
How do we fight weakness?
Why fight it?
Why not give in?
It's okay to let emotion take over.
But we all know those are the wrong whispers that we choose to listen too.
Nothing stays the same,
It either gets better or worse.
Who is here with me,
And who is not.
There is no excuse,
People only give excuses as a sign of pity.
Thinking we cannot handle the truth.
But we all can handle it.
So who knows their reasoning.
Might be malicious,
might be righteous,
might be pure love.
Regardless, I stay marching,
forward I hope.
everyone is gifted I believe.
And we do not only owe to ourselves to conquer our destiny.
We owe it to the people that love and support us.
I can only look to them for help.
I have to tell myself I'm done.
I have to believe in what I believe to be impossible.
Life lessons are the hardest to take in.
We run the opposite way, just so we don't face reality.
We refuse to hear it,
see it,
feel it,
know it.
Because we realize the responsibility that comes with knowledge.
Your life changes, obligations are occurring.
Are we going to deny what we are?
Just because the attachments that come with it?
Are we going to rise and take on the challenge.
The crazy part is,
Not many are presented with the challenges that we face.
We know what is meant for us, yet we are too afraid to take it.
All because of what?
Afraid of change?
Are we that comfortable that we would rather stay and be and do what we have been accustomed too?
We are so blinded that we cannot see something real, when it is right there in front of us?
I plan on having no regrets in my life.
So far I have none.
Yet all I can think is whatever my next move is,
I will regret it.
But time has taught me one thing.
I have never been wrong, when i have decided to continue growing.
I want to live.
I want to see.
Forward I go.
Forward I go.
Letting go,
Letting go.
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