Collective whispers

Edit undrafted,




so magnanimous,

my favorite new word.

Man I have been reading a lot,
but by that mean,

Significantly more than I used too.

But to some obsessive readers out there,

I might be an Amateur.

Really though, if we are being honest.
which is really fucking hard to be,
regardless of the context one might find themselves in.


I just hope it will all collectively come together,

Almost as if the minimal effort,
was enough,
for our hopes to be kept,
within arms length of reach.


Stay close to me is all I am saying.
I think?

But what do I know,
only other than that which I admit to myself,
and that of which I deny to myself.

How unfortunate the one who is missing out because of the lie I have chosen to accept.

I wonder who is at true loss.


But then again,

All this predicting is becoming quite arrogant,


perhaps arrogant is the wrong word,
but in my sentence I half heartedly believe it stands correct.


Why place a prediction that has your name stamped to it?

Just to let people know,
that you knew.

Cool I guess.

I want to stop predicting,
and just enjoy,
things just being.



If that makes any sense,
to me it makes prefect,

however to some that probably will never read this,
i still feel the need to stay consciously aware of.

As if a part of me imagines this part being read years after my death,
by someone who is my relative,
and shows curiosity towards my true identity.
I mean,
this shit seems pretty permanent.

And after I die,
at least a part of me can leave something exposed,
regardless of who sees it,
for a long time.


At this rate that I am going,
rate being the amount of times I choose to write,
in relation,
to how much growth I experience between The times that I write.

Right now I am starting to look back already at some of my recent pieces that I have written,
and I am starting to feel that I am growing
or have grown
past some mind sets.


It is actually quite the mind venting machine,
or maybe I just say that
due to wishful thinking.

Whatever,

I speak as I question
whether it is I believe,
the words that I just chose
to speak.


So right now,
1 2 3
ask yourself what it is you want.


Scream the first word,
don't pass three seconds,

SAY SOMETHING!


Who's name did you say?
What word did you say?

What is it about?
Who is it about?

What is the relationship between you and the word,
whether it is a person or a dream goal,

What is your relation like?

Are you working well together?

Are you facing hardship?

Have you given up?

Never give up.
Always find a way,
always,
even if it is the most impossible path.

Choose that,
above turning your back to something,
or someone

That you desire for,

The Most.



What will stop you?

Look in the mirror,

And speak the words,

Say the names,

Of what is stopping you.


All up in the zone,
I just want everyone to succeed.
I want everyone that I love to be happy.

I literally care for nothing,
except for those that I love and care for.

Growing up,
the ones close to me would always ask me,
how I could be so distant to the ones that seemed close to me.
Towards people that loved me,
or said that they did.

Why I never called any relative,
even during times of death and tragedy.


WHY CAN'T you at least give one call.


And say!


...... what?

I don't know what to say.


Tell them that your pain will ultimately be soothed by religion,
that ultimately you believe that you will see them again,
in the hereafter.
That god will have mercy on his soul,
and he will be showered with all of the elegances that the exalted has awaiting for him.




How could I say all these comforting words that I do not believe in?


I can choose to neither say a lie or the harsh truth.

It is the only way I can explain myself,
but I am so sorry for coming off as an insensitive asshole.


He meant harm to no one,
and made no one feel the threat of any sense of negativity.

He lived a very comfortable lifestyle.








I'm very bad at this.

I really,
wish that,
what I want to say
will be taken
in the context,
of understanding how it is I think
under certain circumstance,
because right now all I want to do,
is shout and shout,
with intentions
to only
seek attention,
from everyone,
except hers,
because when she does not react,
I have come to assumption,
That is when she is taken back the most,

Yet,
That is just a temporary thought,

that I am currently having,
shaking my head i am laughing at this,


How I desire so much of the dramatic scenery that we have obsessively painted to be the behavior that us two need to stay away from,
yet only to learn,
on my behalf,
that is,

The romance,
unbelievable when I would fool myself,
into believing that,
it was truth,
that I felt,
when you felt,
my hand,
with yours,

But then again, it was only into the trap that I chose to fall into,
because you see,
you were the only one that let me fall.

All the way,
You consciously did not stop me,
every mili second,
you were fully aware of my descent,

arms spread,
Accepting myself for what it is that I felt,

Yet,
I just prayed,
that before i fell and sank to the bottom,
pretending to be asleep,


I could just hear you,
just once,

Scream my name,

out of the dreadful gut feeling of loss.

Loss of value.

Selfish, i fell as I admit this.



I do not choose a path that a few have walked,
I am choosing to create my very own path.

At least I desire that thought.
Who is foolish enough to deny that human urge?
We all want to be praised,
whether we agree with it or not,
we all want to be glorified,
and we all want people to acknowledge that MY existence is special.





It is,
trust me it is.

The only problem is






Everyone is afraid to live.

You share your true words and thoughts,
people freeze,
no one trusts words to be from the heart anymore,

everyone speaks only to obtain or to mislead.

Minds cannot speak anymore,
Whatever is left,
is an excuse,
to hide ourselves,



Poor poor future,
We are living in a generation,
where living conditions have become luxurious and personal issues have become suicidal.


Both growing their own ways,
exponentially.

Who knows if literally,
I just mean dramatically.









Good lord,
If time speeds up,

I will spark a joint in case I need it to slow down.



If life is to slow,
I will jump on the 95 south direct to the port of Miami.


Whatever we say,
we say to impress,
either ourselves,
or someone,


We are impressed with ourselves,
and only shy with our work,
when self conscious
or insecure,
about our own
ACTUAL
capabilities,
because it is impossible,
to understand,
someone's
TRUE
potential.






Ehhhh

Maybe,

Fuck you,

I don't know.














I'm going to bed,

I'll have about 2 more sips of straight sentimental juice.
I work tomorrow,

hip hip
hooray,


finish this fuckn blog.


Ahhhhh,


What else shall I babble about,
at this late of hour?





Fuck you
Fuck You
Fuck YOU



Goodness.



I'm still adjusting to these changes.



I am still dealing with a lot of shit.




I heart all ma niggas.