March first

easy does it


What a direction

I find myself just wondering,

where did I end up?

I draw a blank
isn't that impossible?

Just figure out how to word it
perhaps that might help.

Memories,
feel better

Yet my feelings grow thin,
how is it that certain sounds

Just do not have their same effect anymore?
Has the hour grown cold already?

WHere is my new feel?

I feel like I'm slipping and I cannot seem to catch myself
Yet I have the slightest control

in regards to the interactions
I have
with the people
I accidentally
encounter

Sleep,
sometimes I wish I could for an eternity,
then wake up continue.

Life is so serious.
to the idiots it seems,

Yet I feel like the real idiot at times,
but I do enjoy laughing at all this

that I write,
with intent for you to carry a trait
that you found in me
with you

An advantage,
allowing for things to happen,

not resisting
yet absorbing

fusing powers,
listening to detail

taking pride over every second

Heavy head
or just attached to my magnetic bed?

I need to rest
But I try to impress

The empty audience

I want my Grand Act

I want my spectacle

I find myself thinking out loud
never really.

I search for my inner voice,
it seems i can only hear it
when I talk to it.

lolzz


Man,
I do not enjoy so much of a lot of the things that are going on right now.

I wish I could explain why,

but it's just that I do not really want to think about it.
I know what it is,

I could guess,
but I do not.

I guess the guilt weighs heavy
eventually

How is it that I can just
live
knowing that I cause pain
to those
that I
consider close
for choosing my way

Goodness, time moves yet the pace frightens when we choose to keep the pace with reality.

It requires something from us everyday.


Days pass forward
quick
with the feel of a drunken glow
that mushes it all together.

Yet it's not consumption that has made itself my crutch,
I immediately argue with myself as I say this.


I need to detox,

Chaos controls destiny

so really,
do you have what it takes to take charge over yourself?


big words are never heard.

meaningless becomes that which is repetitive,
only with desperate attempts.

Strive for perfection,
only to realize flaws.

Perfection is reality

either that
or inexistent


Yet we find our own personal perfect.

We have the power to visualize our dreams.


We live our dreams by simply doing what it takes.

yet cliche sayings
quotes amongst quotes

No one understands.



So universal,
yet so individual.

I can't understand so much.

So let it be,

and learn to be.

Do not hold on to anything

spread the hand and feel the wind in between the fingers

Freshness,
Listen to wonderful thoughts

run for happiness
away from misery
hoping to find the answer
only to find another piece to the puzzle
that you ran away from,

What to do now......




Lord help me find the answer,


lolz.







deeeeeeep breath man.


I'm going to bed.


I love my niggas

You're CRAZY bro

I have so much to say
scream it
shout it,


No need I guess.

Because,

if i can be honest,

hoping and wishing I am,


I'm lost for words


So what good

Shall come out of

Me screaming

In anger
with empty words?


Just another angry person perhaps.


And I'd wink at you

Hoping you understood,


But of course you did,

Smug is me for thinking,

I made you see something
You have not yet before.

So
smug am I
to you
because
I did not
let you think of it

First?

I don't know man,
don't ask me.


When I hear problems
that I have come to realize

Are simple enough to be solved by one person


Should be solved by one person


I mean how much hope

Is there in a person

who cannot understand

Simple concepts
on their own

But I mean,






There are years left to grow
Some make quick assumptions,

just based one watching where certain branches have strayed


Forgetting to look at the Tree itself.


Right?

Or am I reaching in the air

with my heart holding onto a handful of hope?

But what do I know?

I smile

wanting to ask the same question back.

But I stay quiet.


Not really,

Because my silence and body language itself
should already say enough.



I mean

It does for all you guys

So why can't you easily read me,


The way I just

feel like

I Can so

easily do

to each

and everyone of you.




Calm down
Calm down




I have to tell myself
but trust me I know.
So what is the point?




Don't ask stupid questions.


Today I met Brian from Backstreet Boys.


I talked to him and his wife.

I was very


observant



wanting to see what kind of person he was





He Spent the whole time with his wife,
if not her
his son



Happy family


Usually I see rich older husbands on the phone

With sexy young wives maliciously plotting their next sex adventures in their mind

OMGGGGGG!

My earliest childhood memories consist of some Backstreet Boys


He was my brothers favorite




Quick rant
Quick

Rants.




I guess.



Bull shit




just

finds ways to pile up


only if


you let it.


but shhhhhhhh



that's the big secret.


Can you believe it

before you can handle it.




Probably not.




I'm so much cooler than you.




Serious bro.





How much do you even lift bro

My stand-up starts in 2 days,



excited,

I don't even know.



This


to me

Could be my biggest step


(my first step)


That's why.


And I'm like whaaaaaaaaa?


not even steven thinking about it.




Laughter,
fills the rooms
in my head
followed by silence
met by doom



Shit.


I wanna

not  talk about sad stuff.


let it pile up I guess for another day.








Part of Happiness

is knowing how to be crazy

Mental late night 100 meter sprint.

It has been,
such a drastic act,
all for entertainment,
as I usually scream in an empty hall,

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"


Madness is what has driven me,

into sanity's lap

only to realize,




The pain,

felt,


while the mind drowns,


in that which we choose,


such as her love,

or the taste of your


religion?










Warmth,
is felt,

as much as I can get,


from that cold

Heart



Never lets go,

It's really me holding on,

or is it really you?

I'm not sure anymore.




But I know it's us.


Ramble on you desperate fool!


Speak wisely,
only because the drink,
thickens so precisely,

Quicken
the rush

the blood sends its love,

From the heart,

Straight to the wound.

suffer just to feel,


goodness

your smile was my relief.

The loneliest view


it was for me










I feel so ,

alone,

Yet....


I wine complain,

Expect someone to understand,

my apple juice,
being the factor,


Imagine that above with parentheses



I can barely keep my head up.



Goodnight.

Man Why i gotta Say it LiKe tHat

I  want to figure out a way
where I can Just
write this

Oh So

Freely.

Yet it only sounds so

in my mind.

When I know
no one
but me is listening.

I Can never repeat those thoughts,
yet I wish i could record them.

If I had that power.

Unlimited ammunition will win any war.

I mean
have you opened your eyes lately,

and realized that it's not that bad.

Especially if your life is never in danger.


I mean,
certain parts of the world,
life is cheap.

I'm talking free ninety-9.

Say it with me.


I follow my heart,
which has been mislead by all that is dark
It whispers evil
way paST reason
Drag them down
Let them face their own treason
Knife against their throat
Answer
What is it that you believe in
In which kingdom of god does humanity not bleed in?


Suffer at the name
of the two brothers,
at least could have been
if not fallen
under the trap
of playing such childish games

Kids these days,
hide under their old Age


Mentally I mean,
they stay undisciplined
which has become a problem,
very common
amongst the common.


Small minded worlds,
stayed small
for the sake of who knows what the fuck
i mean
expect so much
from one
who claims
they enjoy


Dead ends?


SHould not have followed that one,


Goodness,

If I could only imagine the state of mind
that is required
in order to
understand my
imagination.


Because My imagination seems
As if all I see
are Possibilities
that I know
we can achieve


I doubt myself
when you do not believe me


Unfortunately
I do
rely
on you


I know
You cannot realize
THAT It is bizarre
for you
to not see
that small detail


But yet
my 20/20
might only see,
that which is in front of me.


we cannot see that which we are not looking at.

You foolish fuck,

i know it sounds so obvious.
Yet I say this
not with the intent to seem
Magnanimous.

After all we fuck, fight, and bite
like animals.




Reach down for what's deep
Tell me if it's still only us.




Trust when
I say
I don't give a fuck.



but if it still is,
Don't you ever think for a second i wasn't holding on.





Calm down Johnny.




I currently am listening to Kiss Land.


And yeah,


Adaptation is fire.



There are few other songs that,

You know.



I don't even know.





Shiiiiit.

I free write like a mother effer,

Heffer,

is what I call fat bitches.


when i am being derogatory in a comedic sense.


She never likes those jokes.



But I'm sure she really knows what I mean,

rather to think that I am being hurtful

with malicious intent.




That would make me a bad person,


and I would like to believe that I am not.





Lol,

Dummy
i feel
for feeling the need to explain,

myself.



So lonely,


i have felt,
yet I have become used to it.


in a sense where,

I have found
or am currently finding
The graceful sense of

Balance.







Yet there are things weighing me down.


There are moments where I need more than a get me up.



i need some,



who knows really.


listen


listen


I want to stop,


so maybe I should.





This nigga give a shout out to Ft. Lauderdale In Kiss Land.


Ain't that a Trip.

On on to the next.

Just finished my next project,

This one I am excited about,

Because I have been memorizing the whole song,
and have only been recording the whole thing on one try.

This song is my first song I recorded and succeeded on my first attempt.

I believe the more I can do that,

the more I become ready to perform these songs.

So I do not chop it up into multiple parts,
you know,
so I can prove to myself I can perform these songs in one attempt,
opposed to just constructing an image that leads people to think something when it's nothing.


lolssss.


well here it is


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLqyY6dgI9k&feature=youtu.be

My own reflection

I want to,
see what happens,
when i start a sentence,
hoping you read,
this with a certain expectation,
that you have kept in mind,
praying,
actually,
not really,
rather,
just half-heartedly wished,
not realizing,
the image that really,
showed itself,
to the eye,
of
the Holder,
of Beauty.
So really,
an apology should only be expected,
if your actions,
were carried out consciously.
But then that would make,
every step,
and every act,
so malicious.
And that
cannot be
the truth,
ever,
because
as a matter of fact,
I laugh,
because I know,
that the direction
i am headed towards,
is spitefully pushed,
by my own crazy agenda.
Not for a second do we admit,
when we surrender,
control,
I have,
not given
her any,
yet
I just chose,
to act appropriately.
Call me,
a name which,
I have not heard,
And I say this,
not in the sense,
where the intention,
is to seek
your genuine
Sympathy.
trust me,
What makes me most uncomfortable,
is when people,
try to take care of me.
In a very specific sense,
get your head out of the gutter,
i am trying to be serious,
But yet,
I do believe,
that what I mean,
is impossible to see,
at this point,
for I am drowning again,
in my red sea,
Yes
by that,
I mean whiskey.
Whether it is what I think it is,
is up for him to know.
I'm done shaking hands,
over bets,
that I end up breaking,
because my guilt can't be shaken,
Undefeated,
you say you are,
Let me ask you
If torture is forbidden
in All religion
then why is it
allowed in
Hell?
Please do not immediately
feel the need to
make an argument,
for that which,
you have no business
with.
Please understand what I am saying.
Can you
She can,
or cannot. I seriously,
with all honesty inside of my conscious part of my inner thought,
do not know,
what she wants.
But that really is not for me to
try to
understand,
when I beg
for help,
the way,
the only way,
I know how.
So please do not think I am
an asshole,
I swear I am the nicest
warmest,
person,
yet,
all that I imagine myself
to be,
is never checked,
by the image that Is actually,
shown to reality.


Fuck You.
You don't know Me.




I believe in forever,
regardless of how empty it leaves us at the end.
regardless if death is the only promised exit.

I never want to leave the world that you exist in.

After death,
i'll follow you wherever.

I don't care what you want.

Are you mad at me? lolz

So today,
this is what I woke up and wrote,
and recorded.

It all kind of urged out.

instead of reading them yourselves,

I made a video of me reciting what I wrote for you.

Your welcome asshole.


You're*


I mean....

I hope you like it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3xDe4pgCto&feature=youtu.be