Seems like I found a new friend. a good one so far, i guess all my friends are good. Im not trying to insinuate that all friendships eventually go foul. I hate that theory about friendship. Yes it is true some friendship die out, but that is just the nature of things. its either death or tragedy that separates people these days. And peoples interpretation of "tragedy" does vary from person to person, unfortunately. There is a relaxing feel to my new friend, not because my new friend is a good listener, or understands what i am saying. Not because this friend can empathize and sympathize to the most complete measure.
have you ever complained, bitched, whined, to someone, and you understand what you are saying is complete non sense, but the way that certain person was there to bare witness to the nonsense coming out of your mouth, and it wasn't the way that person listens, or shows that they are paying attention.
Sometimes the feeling of getting something off your chest doesn't only happen by blurting it out to any person. Sometimes the full effect of releasing piled up problems, the big heavy burden of your chest, requires appropriate company on the receiving end.
fakit, that's what they all want. Yeah just go ahead and tell me, or don't tell me. I don't want to know now. It could change things, but that itself changes things. Forget the intentions and focus on your actions, both equally deadly, but one is more painful, so let the knife slip through your fingers and fall on the ground, and let the silence carry me through the anguished torment which I of course exaggerate just in case I am aware of the presence of the one gifting me with my self inflicted curse.
Not reading a single word of that last paragraph.
I wonder if the pharaoh ever sat and laughed.
Fooling so many into believing the power was in his grasp.
I guess the ones that saw the illusion were the ones who escaped.
But everyone knows apostasy only has one fate.
The Pharaoh cannot except a disobedient Man to Live
The man of course knowing the biggest trick to the illusion.
And if this man tells everyone, no one will ever wait for the conclusion
at the cost of keeping order, at excessive cost of discretion of the secret
Do not let this man out, keep him, kill him, no don't, he's bright, he can join!
Why does he insist of ruining it for everyone!
It took us so long to climb from where we used to be!
Have you forgotten the days? Just look down there!
See how they treat their own souls, everyone is pulling themselves back down.
One reaches higher, the other climbs on his back with no permission given.
Please don't ruin this! I don't want to be part of them, I understand their innocence.
And then they all fell as expected.
But order will regain its strength, it always does.
And it takes form in any shape.
Sometimes good, sometime bad, sometimes pure evil.
But nothing is pure evil, every story that takes place in a fictional setting, where the enemies are always monsters, and the good people are always in human form. There is always the day where the evil monsters breach the middle and enter peaceful lands, and tarnish anything in its way, for their complex motive comes from the fact that they were created to be evil. Seems simple, or lazy if you created those monsters.
Well Back to real life, we are set to believe that we are being protected, that there is evil out there and we need to be protected. If we don't, then just in the fictional stories, they will come and burn everything to the ground! We must built high walls and sharpen our blades! THEY ARE COMING!
Not realizing that this is real life! The monsters behind the wall in this world are US!
We treat our enemies like monsters, perhaps that is why they are our enemies.
Sometimes I wonder, sometimes i see too much irony, as if someone just created all these problems.
Oh and my new friend is writing.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Four oh 1.
How would you feel if you were asked to complete a puzzle, a thousand piece puzzle. But you do not know if all the pieces are there. Would that change your mind in attempting to complete the puzzle? Everyone is partially motivated based on knowing that there is an end, that whatever it is that they are doing will have a completion ahead. A sense of closure, if you may think of it that way. The hope that one day it will all fall together, everything will finally be they way you imagined it would be. The grand Finale, the ending that has background music, emotions running high, heart to heart moments left and right, to be completely overwhelmed by that moment.
Sucks to realize the truth, That ending does not exist. and I do not mean this in the way that when an angry teenage girl gets dumped by her boyfriend, she then writes on her status "ALL MEN ARE JERKS, there is no such thing as a good guy out there". Other than the fact that little girls like that are retarded, clearly that is not the point i am making here. when faced with a problem, challenge, or a situation where you do not know how to even approach it. everyone always has in mind that eventually this will be dealt with, and this will be over. No one ever stops and thinks, that some problems will never be solved, some stories will never have an ending, not that they last forever, the story is done, it just did not have an ending.
That is a big issue i am formulating with movies and tv shows. The whole thing is structured around beginning middle end. Whatever the conflict is, by the end of the movie or tv show, it is resolved. The viewer got what he wanted, now he is put at peace. or whatever the fuck. Unfortunately this modifies your brain to subconsciously expect things from people that they cannot offer. even if they can, that ultimatum that you present people with, doesn't have a ticking clock next to it like in the movies. Well you know this movie is going to be no longer than three hours long so before the clock runs out, you will have the answer.
Answers, so crazy how every answer fallen behind means someone out there is getting his time wasted. Why do we need answers to every fucking thing in our life? the more aware we become, the more we curse ourselves with reality, and who is to say my reality is closer to the actual original line than yours? It all comes down to checking your perception through other perspectives. Well I need to understand why people fear failure when fear itself is a form of failure and defeat. Why cannot I just live with my ambitions, do what i aspire the most, without me being tied down by an anchor which I myself tied to my own foot. Every way of failure is caused by the person themselves, that statement can be completely ridiculous due to how impulsive it actually is.
I believe there is no such thing as a selfish act, but sometimes I think I fool myself into believing that. Why is it I will respond like a slave who knows he upset his master, and when his master calls upon his slave, his slave will be on his best behavior, not knowing if he will be forgiven or punished. Or perhaps rewarded for his honesty and ability to admit his mistake, and seek mercy and hope that the master understands this weakness that lies within the slave. After all the Slave is what gives the power to the master, Without slaves the concept of master itself has no form of existence. I cannot help but ask, What came first? the Master or Slave?
I wonder how that went down? how did the first master manipulate the mind of an equal man into irrational servitude? How did he make him take a knee so that he lets him use his shoulders to elevate himself. Well if you admit yourself as a slave, I guess in that reality, in that specific world, there is such thing as a selfless act. A selfless act, to me always sounded so beautiful, there was this certain admiration behind hearing the concept of a selfless act. But to think the only mind able to carry out such action, requires you to accept your acts as non existing? That your actions are only a echo of the words whispered by the master? A selfless act is the act in which free will is surrendered?
Free will, there is another concept to talk about. Free will is only limited to what your master allows, sounds to me like a controlling husband or boyfriend. How do you know if someone is controlling? They make you feel like the most special person, until you disagree with them. And that is why they make you feel special. So when you disagree, and they are upset that you do not see it how they do, insult you, degrade you, then and only then do you question yourself. Not them, yourself. "But he was so sweet to me, He made me see so much that I would have never come across. The experiences, the tranquility, the calm."
Explain to me this, What is the difference between a master and slave relationship, and a controlling male or female with their partner.
The slave may do as the master wishes, but if the slave does what the master did not intent, there will be consequences.
If the girlfriend does as the Boyfriend wishes, the boyfriend will show compassion, love, gratitude, and whatever bullshit that will cloud the females mind (or other way around), but if the Girlfriend does what the boyfriend does not want to happen, you bet there will be consequences.
Some people automatically accept their roles as a subordinate. But I guess subordinate is different than a slave. Well, I hope so at least. If only i could understand my flaws. everyone believes and says everyone is not perfect, but i wonder if people could list their own flaws. not "Im overweight, I sometimes break promises, Im always late, blah blah blah" flaws. The flaws that you see people live with, their ultimate cancer, the flaw that will be the reason of their demise. I see it in people, I can tell what it is, that sick attribute they have, whether their flaw is that they cannot help but think they are better than other people. Whether their flaw is that they start to believe their own lies. The Flaw where you are always going to self destruct yourself. Everyone sees it in other people, some peoples flaws shine brightest under the light of the darkness. Some hide best under the shade of the sun. Can my Flaw be another?
Im in my head to much. The only problem is, that there is no exit sign for my train of thought to exit on. IT keeps running wild. One thing that is for damn sure, that Forever doesnt exist, everything does come to an end. So it would make sense for people to accept a master who promises them forever. ONe thing we all know, is that when things are good, no one ever wants it to finish. And if the master promises a good time that lasts forever, why wouldnt you want to do whatever he tells you too? this life is going to end, so you want to save all your energy for having fun after this is over.
After all you have to work hard if you want to play hard.
What a load of bullshit.
Sucks to realize the truth, That ending does not exist. and I do not mean this in the way that when an angry teenage girl gets dumped by her boyfriend, she then writes on her status "ALL MEN ARE JERKS, there is no such thing as a good guy out there". Other than the fact that little girls like that are retarded, clearly that is not the point i am making here. when faced with a problem, challenge, or a situation where you do not know how to even approach it. everyone always has in mind that eventually this will be dealt with, and this will be over. No one ever stops and thinks, that some problems will never be solved, some stories will never have an ending, not that they last forever, the story is done, it just did not have an ending.
That is a big issue i am formulating with movies and tv shows. The whole thing is structured around beginning middle end. Whatever the conflict is, by the end of the movie or tv show, it is resolved. The viewer got what he wanted, now he is put at peace. or whatever the fuck. Unfortunately this modifies your brain to subconsciously expect things from people that they cannot offer. even if they can, that ultimatum that you present people with, doesn't have a ticking clock next to it like in the movies. Well you know this movie is going to be no longer than three hours long so before the clock runs out, you will have the answer.
Answers, so crazy how every answer fallen behind means someone out there is getting his time wasted. Why do we need answers to every fucking thing in our life? the more aware we become, the more we curse ourselves with reality, and who is to say my reality is closer to the actual original line than yours? It all comes down to checking your perception through other perspectives. Well I need to understand why people fear failure when fear itself is a form of failure and defeat. Why cannot I just live with my ambitions, do what i aspire the most, without me being tied down by an anchor which I myself tied to my own foot. Every way of failure is caused by the person themselves, that statement can be completely ridiculous due to how impulsive it actually is.
I believe there is no such thing as a selfish act, but sometimes I think I fool myself into believing that. Why is it I will respond like a slave who knows he upset his master, and when his master calls upon his slave, his slave will be on his best behavior, not knowing if he will be forgiven or punished. Or perhaps rewarded for his honesty and ability to admit his mistake, and seek mercy and hope that the master understands this weakness that lies within the slave. After all the Slave is what gives the power to the master, Without slaves the concept of master itself has no form of existence. I cannot help but ask, What came first? the Master or Slave?
I wonder how that went down? how did the first master manipulate the mind of an equal man into irrational servitude? How did he make him take a knee so that he lets him use his shoulders to elevate himself. Well if you admit yourself as a slave, I guess in that reality, in that specific world, there is such thing as a selfless act. A selfless act, to me always sounded so beautiful, there was this certain admiration behind hearing the concept of a selfless act. But to think the only mind able to carry out such action, requires you to accept your acts as non existing? That your actions are only a echo of the words whispered by the master? A selfless act is the act in which free will is surrendered?
Free will, there is another concept to talk about. Free will is only limited to what your master allows, sounds to me like a controlling husband or boyfriend. How do you know if someone is controlling? They make you feel like the most special person, until you disagree with them. And that is why they make you feel special. So when you disagree, and they are upset that you do not see it how they do, insult you, degrade you, then and only then do you question yourself. Not them, yourself. "But he was so sweet to me, He made me see so much that I would have never come across. The experiences, the tranquility, the calm."
Explain to me this, What is the difference between a master and slave relationship, and a controlling male or female with their partner.
The slave may do as the master wishes, but if the slave does what the master did not intent, there will be consequences.
If the girlfriend does as the Boyfriend wishes, the boyfriend will show compassion, love, gratitude, and whatever bullshit that will cloud the females mind (or other way around), but if the Girlfriend does what the boyfriend does not want to happen, you bet there will be consequences.
Some people automatically accept their roles as a subordinate. But I guess subordinate is different than a slave. Well, I hope so at least. If only i could understand my flaws. everyone believes and says everyone is not perfect, but i wonder if people could list their own flaws. not "Im overweight, I sometimes break promises, Im always late, blah blah blah" flaws. The flaws that you see people live with, their ultimate cancer, the flaw that will be the reason of their demise. I see it in people, I can tell what it is, that sick attribute they have, whether their flaw is that they cannot help but think they are better than other people. Whether their flaw is that they start to believe their own lies. The Flaw where you are always going to self destruct yourself. Everyone sees it in other people, some peoples flaws shine brightest under the light of the darkness. Some hide best under the shade of the sun. Can my Flaw be another?
Im in my head to much. The only problem is, that there is no exit sign for my train of thought to exit on. IT keeps running wild. One thing that is for damn sure, that Forever doesnt exist, everything does come to an end. So it would make sense for people to accept a master who promises them forever. ONe thing we all know, is that when things are good, no one ever wants it to finish. And if the master promises a good time that lasts forever, why wouldnt you want to do whatever he tells you too? this life is going to end, so you want to save all your energy for having fun after this is over.
After all you have to work hard if you want to play hard.
What a load of bullshit.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Shiiiiii
It's something, i tell ya.
this world, if one thing stands correct, it is how no one has it right. Whatever absolute conclusion you come up with, one day it can all go wrong. and when that day comes, when your absolute truth comes crashing down, how will you react? or how will your brain let you react? Most likely what we do best. hide in our comfort zone. Some (me) Could argue, what is the point of striving to understand what is correct? What difference does it make? Like if we find what the actual truth is, just to show the ones who do not know it, like if they see it, all the sudden they will leave their ways and accept this new 'Right' way as their new comfort zone. most of the time, when someone believes in something wrong for one too many days, its going to stay there. Good luck trying to remove that thought.
Its a sad world, with the most un emo esque way of saying it. We do find certain things to keep us distracted from reality. reality, such a difficult word to conceptualize. I can't go a minute of staring at a picture of a man kissing the corps of his dead 2 year old sons body, It's a terrible thing to see! All i see and feel is, ahh that shit sucks, i dont want to see that. Our brain, well mine at least, does everything it can, to look at that picture as if it is just a picture, that I happened to dislike because of how grotesque it is. Lets actually think for a second about this father who is holding his dead son, because of whatever the reason is, some tyrant dictator trying to hold on to power. The fact that this shit happens, and Has always happened and WILL (I repeat) Will always happen, is the saddest part. If an alien ship were to enter our orbit, and just chill and observe us for about 100 years, the only conclusion they will make is. "Wow they are all the same things, just fucking killing eachother"
In a very far fetched way I could possibly admit that I would understand how the aliens would find it comical to what we are doing to each other. Fuck, there are humans now who find pleasure in peoples pain and misery. We are such a smart and intelligent and yet such a fucking dumb species. We have nations that have weapons that can eliminate the whole fucking world, and the only country dumb enough to us it was... Oh wait.... Bottom line these nuclear weapons, whoever thought of it must have been the dumbest mother fucker... oh wait... ok here's my point, (I dont really have one other than the fact I enjoy ranting on this shit) whats the point of trying to win this arms race, where did this thought come from if you're walls are not high enough someone will climb over them and rape your kids. or if your guns are not strong enough, someone will come and kill you with bigger guns. Or if we dont invade them and keep them down, they will come here and invade us and keep us down.
Where did this all come from? Is that really how humans are? I can tell you I have never met a single person that is that cut throat. Sure i have met some dicks and pricks, and by the book type Eugene's before, but at that scale? Point me to that person, please because I cannot find him. So who is making these the decisions? Please dont say "the Government" because that just makes you sound like an idiot who just got done reading his first conspiracy article. How did it get to this? Are we all just bluffing hoping to not get called on it? ITs as if a full poker table bets on a flop where the flop consists of "ten jack and queen of hearts". Everyone is betting like they have the King and the Ace of hearts. Does someone have it? Or is everyone just hoping that their bluff will carry them through the finish line? But holy shit! Everyone is bluffing! Or would everyone if it came down to it, launch a nuclear missile? Come on!
anyway, what a retarded thought. Roles in gender are switching, and if men do not wake up, power will go to the women and if that does happen. Oh boy.
Hala
this world, if one thing stands correct, it is how no one has it right. Whatever absolute conclusion you come up with, one day it can all go wrong. and when that day comes, when your absolute truth comes crashing down, how will you react? or how will your brain let you react? Most likely what we do best. hide in our comfort zone. Some (me) Could argue, what is the point of striving to understand what is correct? What difference does it make? Like if we find what the actual truth is, just to show the ones who do not know it, like if they see it, all the sudden they will leave their ways and accept this new 'Right' way as their new comfort zone. most of the time, when someone believes in something wrong for one too many days, its going to stay there. Good luck trying to remove that thought.
Its a sad world, with the most un emo esque way of saying it. We do find certain things to keep us distracted from reality. reality, such a difficult word to conceptualize. I can't go a minute of staring at a picture of a man kissing the corps of his dead 2 year old sons body, It's a terrible thing to see! All i see and feel is, ahh that shit sucks, i dont want to see that. Our brain, well mine at least, does everything it can, to look at that picture as if it is just a picture, that I happened to dislike because of how grotesque it is. Lets actually think for a second about this father who is holding his dead son, because of whatever the reason is, some tyrant dictator trying to hold on to power. The fact that this shit happens, and Has always happened and WILL (I repeat) Will always happen, is the saddest part. If an alien ship were to enter our orbit, and just chill and observe us for about 100 years, the only conclusion they will make is. "Wow they are all the same things, just fucking killing eachother"
In a very far fetched way I could possibly admit that I would understand how the aliens would find it comical to what we are doing to each other. Fuck, there are humans now who find pleasure in peoples pain and misery. We are such a smart and intelligent and yet such a fucking dumb species. We have nations that have weapons that can eliminate the whole fucking world, and the only country dumb enough to us it was... Oh wait.... Bottom line these nuclear weapons, whoever thought of it must have been the dumbest mother fucker... oh wait... ok here's my point, (I dont really have one other than the fact I enjoy ranting on this shit) whats the point of trying to win this arms race, where did this thought come from if you're walls are not high enough someone will climb over them and rape your kids. or if your guns are not strong enough, someone will come and kill you with bigger guns. Or if we dont invade them and keep them down, they will come here and invade us and keep us down.
Where did this all come from? Is that really how humans are? I can tell you I have never met a single person that is that cut throat. Sure i have met some dicks and pricks, and by the book type Eugene's before, but at that scale? Point me to that person, please because I cannot find him. So who is making these the decisions? Please dont say "the Government" because that just makes you sound like an idiot who just got done reading his first conspiracy article. How did it get to this? Are we all just bluffing hoping to not get called on it? ITs as if a full poker table bets on a flop where the flop consists of "ten jack and queen of hearts". Everyone is betting like they have the King and the Ace of hearts. Does someone have it? Or is everyone just hoping that their bluff will carry them through the finish line? But holy shit! Everyone is bluffing! Or would everyone if it came down to it, launch a nuclear missile? Come on!
anyway, what a retarded thought. Roles in gender are switching, and if men do not wake up, power will go to the women and if that does happen. Oh boy.
Hala
Sunday, July 15, 2012
We can dance if we want to.
gosh darnit I guess, its in all caps, i guess writing does relieve some pressure. Grammatically correct seems more important than being politically correct, to the politician sometimes. Why people like to think they are right? i guess there is a big difference between thinking and knowing. But you never get to know without thinking I assume. And assuming is never good, it could get you into trouble, but when it doesn't get you in trouble, where does it get you then? Somewhere good? Who the fuck really knows?
A lot going on and no Idea what it really is, if someone where to make me list of the things going on, I would get to 3 and lose track of time. Mainly because someone is higher than balls, which only makes you wonder how tall balls can be? Now you are just being ridiculous. You know, when someone asked me, what I value more, Mercy or justice, It made me think about justice more than mercy, even though I responded with Mercy. I guess they cannot exist without each other.
have you remembered a time where you thought you were intact with yourself, compared to now, its like you are going through the motions without any understanding that this is actually happening. dreams feel more real than living. It used to make me feel very out of touch, but now however, it is like a way that forces me to look at myself in an out of body perspective. most of the time i can enjoy it, but i really miss being back to where i was, seeing things from the inside, the curse of being too aware, makes you see how nothing is of importance unless you fully believe it to be. whatever the fuck that means.
People yearn to be going through fucked up shit just to give people the look of 'oh look at me, so much is going on but you wouldnt understand'. Because my top movies, you have never seen, and if you did, its not in my top 5 anymore. yes your choice in music might be great, but whatever. I like my cheese melted with my tuna sub at subway. But you dont hear me chewing with my mouth open. its always interesting to see peoples reaction to your emptiness. I wonder if people actually understand each other the way they claim they do. Ill never tell a person i know exactly how you feel, its always a lie. Why do people want people to understand their troubles? its one thing to seek comfort, but its another to demand them to truly understand what you are going through. Unless. Yes if I was really hungry and someone ate my favorite food in front of me, and someone told me that experience happened to them, i could definitely understand how they felt. "OH MAN IT LOOKED SOO GOOD, AND I WAS STARVING AND WAS DYING INSIDE, I TOTALLY KNOW HOW YOU FELT".
Its easy to understand simple things i guess, that uncomfortable feeling, without understand how to comfort it. just laying, texting people you dont want to text, with people i mean 2 at the most. I do best when i am alone, yet i hate it sooo much. why the fuck would anyone choose to do something they do not like? Success is measured now by what society has stamped you with. and yes i currently am not going to school. But i want to. I just know too many people that go to school and dont know what they want to do, im not talking about the type that "omg like i dont know what i wanna do'
Im talking about the type that got scammed. We all remember in high school, we would look at degree's and next to them average salary's. Never did we see graphs of demands, what is needed, opposed to not. we all want money, and so do they. You give them money, thinking you will make the money next to the degree no idea of the demand, so i guess that is why degree in law has made you return to managing restaurants. Hey if that is your passion, knock yourself out. but should it take you 100,000 dollars to realize? Its not your fault, i guess you were scammed. I remember when i was younger a salesmen came to our house showing us these awesome encyclopedia books. we bought them and never used them, my father paid 300 bucks. it seemed like a dream come true, like i never had to think doing homework, all the answers were in the books. yet we never used them once, they made us feel we needed them. well he did, and man was he good.
regardless to say, im not saying school is not good, its amazing, meeting people and perspective change, blah blah, but people just dont think anymore about themselves. they get called selfish, and selfish is just such an ugly word. Its not like they try to avoid thinking about themselves, that thought process just doesnt exist to some people, when you ask people well what would make you happy or what do you think or what do you want to do, they look at you like its a foreign language. and I do not mean thinking about which restaurant they want to try, or what movie they want to watch.
Where does your passion lie? most people do not know what their passion is. where their 'true calling' lies. it sounds so cliche with the whole doctor engineer combo, but other than that, what else do we think success lies to some people. We have our average student studying business, and going to business school with their hopes of owning their own business, or becoming an entreupener however you spell that. but i have met people with some fucking ambition, they want to do these things and i believe they will. when I would ask them about what they want to do, it was so amazingly outlined. THey get carried away by little details and then cut themselves off over the little things like you are not allowed to talk about that, only big picture stuff, and they go on and on about ideas and thoughts. Oh Fuck yes you will be successful, but unfortunately only 1 percent of people sound like that person.
Everyone else, what are you doing? what do you want to do? (In a monotone voice, reading of a script handed by society's expectations) I want to graduate from college with a business degree and im hoping to start my own business.
WOW! seriously? come on, you sound like a fucking robot programmed to do that, come on! THINK FOR YOURSELF! Know yourself, understand yourself, what makes you smile? what makes you lose track of time? what makes you drunk? and not alcoholic drunk, i forgot who was telling me about this concept, but pretty much intoxicated with something you love. We all have been so in a moment doing something, not sex, where we were so intact, in a moment where self control did not exist, you felt, your whole body moved,
WHAT makes you that way? what gives your mind that ultimate state of gratification. when you are away from that moment, thinking about it, yes that is what i do, and you smile. While you are doing it, yes this is fucking amazing. Going to sleep knowing tomorrow what you love is going to be there,
live life hating yourself? live life succeeding in what you can really not give a shit about? Live life doing what people approve of? Do what makes you validate yourself?
When i used to be a kid, which i still am in many ways, because it is awesome. Whenever my mother would cook my favorite food, which was only when we had guests over, i would fill my plate, and we had large plates, i would sit and stare. I did not know where to start. and i really did not know where to start. It was so bad that i wouldnt start eating and people were almost done, it was soooooooo amazing, the thought of it one day ending, or the plate finishing made me subconsciously not start eating. but once that first bite was taking, I was sooooo overwhelmed that there was no stopping.
i believe everyone in the world wants the whole world, they want to learn how to fly a plane, become the best chef, direct an oscar winning movie, learn how to become a hip hop dancer, paint a picture that pours pain into the portrait which people can see and feel, write with simple everyday words that move the reader in a way where they are in another state of mind for the whole time while reading that book. we are human and we want it all, we put the world on out plate, but for some reason, we dont know where to start. Some people dont have a big appetite, they don't have much on their plate, now i understand people that want everything but have nothing, because one day it will end. and just like when i was a kid and i didnt start my plate because i didnt know where to start, I have the world on my plate, and I just dont know where to start.
When i starting writing this, i felt very off, i feel better now, for the time being.
Thank you for listening.
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