I wonder...

I wonder,
why

it just happens
that I Never am
The guy.


Not gonna lie,
sometimes it keeps me up for a while.

Yes its true,
The Passion was Real.
The Intentions were Clean
But what did it mean,
When it just so happened to seem,
That My Genuine part,
Started getting harder to be.

The way I express,
the definition of my dreams,

Is to paint a picture,
that can build hope to restore beliefs,

Yet I stutter,
still wonder,
the depth of,
the most popular gutter,

Where it feels cool to be bad,
and to be bad is to be sad,
to cry about all the things you once had.

But believe me when i say,
the changes of today,

never appear the way you might think.

It is all because,
the issues created.

For us to
Climb up all the stairs just to jump down to escape it.


Forsaken,
are those,
Who i suppose,
believes that they just know,
the order of all things,
And the places it goes,
The warmth of the soul,
That's keeping me close,

What gets me the most,
Is the idea I proposed,
Only to myself so that nobody knows.


My whispers I speak,
darkness it creeps.

You won't stay for a bit?
You sucked the blood off my lips?
Why am I mishandling this?
I'm confused,
why you pissed?
You hate when i insist?
To show love with a kiss?
And to get lost in the mist?
No more tears to reminisce,
Just you and me I just wished,

Yet somehow I resist,
To the way that she just twists.

tough little boy
with a heart to just give.

And I guess that's it.






..........................

You know I like it when you smile for me.

What would life be

without the chemistry

that we

So much enjoy

To just let flow

So gracefully

Smiling I bet,
you are.

For the reason that one holds in,
perhaps a little too hard.

Don't we ever wonder why we smile?
At the misfortunes of others?

Do not be taken back,
and deny such act

Because as a matter of fact,
We laugh
Because such things,
We love,

because lets be honest,

It distracts.

Never synchronizing our inner thought,

with our outer voice,


Lets be honest,
for once
I promise
Just come
I cant just stop It
because
Not that I lost it
it's just
I want it
but lust
Allows my flaws
to become
So haunted
Now run,
if you followed,
For fun?
You say,
but we play dumb,
See I have problems
that begun
So Long Ago
See I was On a roll
like the 8th time I made honor Roll
Man I was Young,
but 6th grade I swear
Testosterone started to run
faster and faster,
It was Racing
It felt Amazing,
to be Blind all the time,
Yet I keep pacing,
With the same thoughts on my mind,
so in-complacent,
Looking for hard to find.
I love to face it,
When the music makes me dance to unwind.
smiles on Her faces,
Makes me proud to be wild.
These sweet little chases,
Really don't last for a while,

I Want the excitement,
AS much as I thought I needed the thrill.

I spent no time when I write this,
it feels the most real.

I hesitate at moments,
Looking for my next potion,
Trying to avoid being fooled,
by yet another sweet scent.

Can't change words,
by saying
That's not what I meant.

Can't change actions,
by playing pretend.

Don't let go of my hand,
And wonder why I couldn't make it till the end.

WHAT'S DUDE!

It is so time for this,

When I started,
I immediately regretted this decision.

Damn.

Really,
I wonder,


Really,
What the fuck is going on?

There is no way there is a person orchestrating our actions,

Because all of our actions,
collide,
and paint such an abstract picture.

As if
we are the color,
and the life that we choose to live,
ultimately will dictate the picture we leave behind.

Damn,


So right in the moment.

I am currently listening to Lil wayne.


Hell yeah Hell yeah,

Fuckn Riiiight!

reminds me of Vegas.

Fucked up,
Faded,
laughing, Loud and obnoxiously,
Where the pedestrian walking the other would would just look at me and think, "Oh he's just having a good time in vegas."
Leanin on my niggas,
While they were leaning on me.
"Nigga listen"
Stumble laugh,

You don't understand the platform I was in.

We were gone,
mentally on another planet.

We were walking,

You know me and ****** were walking, and I was just hearing his voice while I was zonin staring straight ahead,
see my other nigga Linguini was staggering back talkin to some ho's on the same mindset we was on.

He was having a great time.

That sets the stage for the story,

So all that in mind,
Action.


I was walkin,
lookin around like man this shit is crazy,
Look at all the lights and people and Limos and lights and people and my footsteps moved so precisely,
Yet the alcohol made me wander off not so politely,
But the Whitest light kept me up so kindly.
Point being I was fucked up.......

All I hear are my thoughts,
And My homies voice,


ALL THE SUDDEN!



SPLAAAASHH!!

My nigga way in the back talkin to girls,

"My friend did what?"

Girls screaming,

"YOUR FRIEND JUMPED IN THE WATER!!!"

That is when I zoned in,

I didn't realize the reason I did not hear his voice anymore was related  to the splash noise that came after him not talking anymore.

I had to focus quick.

My friend decided to jump in the front entrance Water from the bridge that crossed over the front.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY!


REACT!


I RAN OVER THERE!

"OH SHIIIIIT MAN HELP ME!!!!"

He was screaming!

I ran to the lowest part of the bridge!

Hung my whole body over.


"GRab my HAND!"

I screamed with desperation.


He plunged his body with one thrust that required all remaining energy,

and fell short.....


Now a crowd was forming around us.

The girls that my homie was talking came to observe like all loud "OMG LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!"

So lots a heads started turning QUICK
in heavy traffic area,

Oh By the way this is Treasure Island I am speaking of,



in vegas....




After the first failed attempt and realizing the potential hazard that is approaching our fate quite hastily,

I looked back down to my friend in the water,
Who had no way out immediately,
other than my hand.

I searched for his eyes,

And I gave him the look,

The "Nigga

NOW!


or

You're FUCKED!"

Look.


And he knew that failure in vegas was NOT an option.

I lit a fire in his eyes that spread to his heart within the split moment because the next thing he did,

Was reach higher than anyone else in the world,
Were they put in a similar situation,
And I held his hand and Pulled his whole body up.

Thrusted him right over the ledge and back on the bridge with one pull.


Flicking both hands because he was soaked.

"Oh SHIIIIIIIT I'm soooo WEEEEEEEEEET!"


And we kept walking and didn't talk about what happened until we woke up the next day.


one of the MANY stories......

Files done.

Well here is me releasing my second song.


To be honest,

I do not know which one I like more,
The first song,
or this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22sDWXekvK0&feature=youtu.be

Don't you know what you did to me?

Hello there,

Yes,

I admit I am guilty.

Of all crimes that you place upon me,

all due to the spite,
that one cannot get rid off,

At the worst times,
it holds us down,
Ties us down and forces us to watch ourselves be so

Spiteful.


Awful.


My life,

is just barely starting to realize that it is recovering from a lot bullshit.

I guess that is what I should call it.

I want to brighten everyones life that i intrude.

Check yo Grammar bitch.

Fuck you.


I'm picking up my pace,
I am gonna spend maybe a couple more months on  planting seeds,
then its go time.


And I hope whoever is on board knows what should be expected.

The thing is,
No one really knows dick.

If you believe that someone knows what they are talking about,
It is only because they have more sense than you,
or just made you believe so through a demonstration of,
strong confidence.

Foolish you both are.

Laughing is the one who understands.

Smiling is the one who now sees the trap I threw at them.

Clueless is the person who cannot follow what I am saying

Majority is what I believe falls under category three.


I really do not give a shit,


The fact that you made me care so much,
makes me wonder,
when it was that I was poisoned,

But that is just a bad argument,

Because in reality,
you deserve all credit.


You are the real deal.

Whoever gets it right,

My hat off to them,

so that forces me to go fuck myself.




I surrender to no one really.

What is the point?
Who is the true fool?

Why argue,
when the answer or truth won't be respected.

Thoughts get heavier,

the best way is to unload with spontaneous rants,
towards anyone who even dares stare at the hair trigger that you better have.

I know I have one.

Yet no one knows where I hide it.

really for their own good.


yes I am acting smug,

if you feel that I am.

How can I tell you that what you feel is less real than the message that I intended to send instead?

Ultimately it comes down to what we, individually,
choose to believe.

Well there you go,
trying to reason with specific detail.

Don't you know,
that is the language that a manipulative mind speaks.

Detailed.


Only in details,

So that the end result.

is whatever I prayed for it to be.

So selfishly.


Yet I throw so much argument,
with passion,
and reason,
at you.

Hoping to access,
your inner most self.
Just to mislead your vision,
to the picture,
that is only an illusion,
created by the darkness,
that you helped,
grow?


I wonder if that makes sense.

Whoaaa
You're like so deep man.


It's been 2 months.

Over by a couple days now.
It seems faster,
day by day.


Each day,
feels more real,
than most days.

I mean this in a way where I want you to be happy for me

you sick fuck.

For once give me the attention that I really beg and cry for like a four year old little fucking child.



Gain leverage on me,
just based on the honesty I gave you?


Give acknowledgement to that which deserves it.

Because if one happens to be a cry baby,

May god help you.

And if he does help you,

tell me how that is like,

because I have yet to know myself.


WHOA!

How fucking dare you sir?
Disrespectful,
to the least.
I wonder.

About so much,
but I'd rather continue with what I have.

Which is what exactly?

Few souls who know.

I wouldn't trade my love for my friends for anything.


I swear,
if I ever get rich,
When,
If I can be irrationally confident.

When i get rich,

it's us,


I fantasize about the days where I successfully have it where the stress of tomorrow is gone,
and all we think of is,
the stress of the real life,
that we now,
live in.

If that makes little sense,
fuck you for not knowing why.

It would make sense if you knew me.

Do you know me?

Do you?


How can you be confident?

I barely know myself,
I was taught not too.

Whatever bro.


In 5 years,
It'll be where I want to be.


Oh you watch me bitch.