Waiting to give my urine sample.

One month down. 

This drug test better work. 

I have to piss like crazy. 

If/when I pass. I will be ecstatic. 

I wanna blowie. That be nice. 

How people carry themselves is quite unique. 

How we hold people to such a high standard then not believe in free will. 

It seems so contradictory. 

Well you are the way you are,

There is no free will in that. 

Rather 

Free will has to be reached out for. 

We have to break out of the natural state we were given. 

Are we content with what we are at our natural state? 

Or do we defy what we are,

And reach further 

Than we were supposed too. 

Do we listen to the voices that tell us,

our risks that we take,

are not smart and calculated steps? 

Yet what is life if each step is only taken based on how low the risk is. 

Since when have we abandoned taking risks, and have settle for safety? 

I guess the more one believes that there is nothing after ,

They are more likely to become boring.

Is boring the right word? 

Death, 

Ultimately can be the biggest motivator, 

Or the biggest set back. 

In my case,

Every time I think about death,

I get motivated. 

To do what exactly?

To live,

Opposed to just waiting to die. 

If this is all that we have, 

Collectively and individually,

What holds us back?

The fear of failing?

It seems so ironic. 

We are too afraid to live because we are too afraid to die. 

Afraid

Afraid

So we stall,

Tell ourself

Safe is better 

Safe

Quiet

Don't be obnoxious. 

Is that what it's called? 

We are so sure

Purely based on the calculations we have discovered

Only to predict

What exactly?

The probability of different outcomes? 

Assuming the most probable answer is the expected outcome? 

Not sure if that is how real life carries itself. 

Looking at humanity objectively,

Is one thing. 

Living your life objectively,

Is very unhealthy. 

Suppressing our feelings,

And not considering them, 

As we make life decisions,

I would only assume

Will ultimately have a very strong effect on us. 

We are not asked to ignore our emotions,

Rather guide them. 

With intellect. 

We are only asked to make decisions,

Where we have to ignore emotion,

During times of survival,

In a state of an emergency. 

But what state of emergency are we living in? 

For those who live in the same state as I do. 

It seems that the ones who push rational thinking,

Are ones who like to push their own agenda. 

Especially when,

One tries to manipulate. 

It's very disgusting. 

Using intimidation,

Stubbornness,

Frustration,

Then coating it,

With a blanket 

That we like to call

Rational. 

We are not free,

If we do not believe our actions to be. 

Ultimately,

The truth is what we accept for ourself. 

And what we individually believe, 

Are the limits we set for ourselves. 

Do you believe to be free?

Do you believe to be a slave to no one?

Do you believe you can change the world?

Shake it's very existence? 

I do.